Lazy AF Dating

Yes,  you read it correctly;
I meant to say Lazy As Fuck Dating.
You all,  who've read my past postings know I am (well,  trying to be,  kinda sorta)  in the dating world.
I am not alone amongst my circle of friends in said dating world.
I have had a chance to speak to quite a few of them in regards to their experience.
Their experiences were very similar if not the same as mine.

The guys making attempts to date them are L-A-Z-Y!

I've heard and seen this (screenshots provide further evidence of how real the struggle is) occurring across social media amongst my peers as well. 
Take into account these infractions are occurring online on dating apps and sites and social media (people often make attempts to date people through Facebook, Instagram and other sites as well)

Take into account Exhibit A:

Carrying the conversation

Fellas,  unless we're in it for the sex,  most of us want someone we can talk to. 

You all KNOW women like to talk so if you ever plan to get far enough with one who's looking for something deeper, no pun intended, then you MUST be able to hold a decent conversation! 

Why are we starting AND carrying the conversation?
There is NO WAY we should strike up a conversation and get hit with a dry ass, "Hi."!
Damn, he was too lazy to throw an exclamation point on the Hi to at least sound enthused? 
You should be able to fully articulate and with the abundance of topics in the world to discuss, you should be able to talk about anything and everything, and everything and nothing

Giving Up the Digits

Shooting your number after saying hello doesn't make me want to call you!  We haven't had ANY dialogue! 
I also don't want to have a million conversations via in boxing on a website either. 
If you're genuinely interested in a woman, get her number. 
After the first message,  no, don't ask for her number. 
It seems like you're rushing things and just about every woman I spoke to said this makes them leery! 
All we did was match each other and I already have your number? 
So,  do you do this with ALL your matches? 
Not that whoever else you're speaking to is of a concern to me,  but I wonder if you have ANY discretion since just anybody can have your number. 
However,  if we have a good dialogue built up,  it's natural to want to know more about the person. 
Personally, I REFUSE to get to know someone via text messages and DMs! 
I will not do it! 
Too much can be misconstrued via text! 
We want to know that you can hold a decent conversation and keep us mentally stimulated.
Oh,  please,  don't let that conversation be filled with ways you can physically stimulate us either!

Asking a Woman To Chill

Ahhhh,  the good ol' reliable Netflix and chill! 
This works for some. 
However, if you're dating with a purpose,  that's not an option when first meeting someone to which you have no
commitment. 
Even if she's just dating period,  why would she not want to go out to get a sense of the type of person you are? 
I'm not saying that you have to take her to a five star restaurant. 
I don't want to sit across from someone who I have zero chemistry with for a few hours either! 
I'm NOT that hard up for a meal! 
I also realize how little effort it takes to have a woman come to your home and all you've spent is 7.99 that month. 
It's not even how much you spent that's the problem;
It's the lack of trying that poses an issue.

              Poor Communication

A major complaint in the Lazy AF Dating is communication! 
Again,  trying to get to know a woman via text,  slow to no responses, not returning phone calls or the dreaded not answering but replying by text right after, or not hearing from you for DAYS on end is LAZY AS FUCK!
I cannot STAND a rude man!
I am ALWAYS going to speak up about it.
I am a lot less dismissive about some things, but this is a dealbreaker for me!
Even if I am not interested in someone I have the decency to reply back to them and be polite.
I consider their feelings and I know all too well what it feels like to have my time wasted.
I don't think anyone deserves that, who hasn't done anything to you.
I will be honest with them about it, so as not to waste their time.
Who wants to sit there calling someone, texting someone and pulling teeth to get them to respond to them?

I know with me, if I see you have the propensity to be inconsiderate to me, I am cutting my losses while I still have my pride. I refuse to be made a fool of!
Curving someone seems to be a trend going on from some dudes.
The issue with that is, I am NOT that chick!
I am not that chick that curved you in the past that you're mad at. Oh, BELIEVE me, the last person I dated said something similar to me when I asked why he did whatever he had done to hurt me. He actually said that it was done to him. So, I guess shit trickled downhill to me!
He later tried to backtrack and say he only said that because he was angry but that shit was the TRUTH!
I'm not about to be added to your list of holla back girls either.
You can't pick and choose when you talk to me.
That's not how this works; that's not how any of this works!

Putting Zero Creativity Into A Date

There are legit, entire sites that are full of good cheap dates. Pinterest is one of them!

There is LITERALLY no excuse for putting zero effort into making sure she has a good time.

I have been wanting to go on a picnic for a long time.

A VERY long time!

I expressed that to someone I was dating and for ten months he blew it off like it was nothing (take into consideration he was the same did that told me he did something hurtful to me because it was done to him).

I GAVE him the idea on a silver platter and he basically chose scraps.

I don't know why some fellas think we all want to go to fancy restaurants for every date.

That's very mundane and quite limited!

Think outside the box sometimes!

If you know any of her interests (if you cared enough to ask), it should NOT be hard to impress her! 

We're not as complicated as you think!

These are just like the basic ABCs of dating.

It's not even touching on relationship behaviors because it seems like it's hard to even get through the very bare necessities of dating to GET to a relationship and that's just sad.

The reason the divorce rate is lowering is because AIN'T NOBODY GETTING MARRIED! 

(You know it's serious when I break out in double negatives!)

Hell, if you can't get past dating how in the Hell are you walking down the aisle.

I am not so desperate to get married that I am putting up with lazy as fuck dating!

AIN'T NO WAY! (There those double negatives are again!)
While I do have lots of single friends, my married friends' husbands didn't have to be schooled on ANY of this when they were dating.
That's how they knew he was the one and a cut above the rest!

I am just NOT willing to do ALL the work!

He HAS to work with me!
I can work with a brotha and I have, but not one resting on his laurels and putting in zero effort to date me.
If fellas do the work they would see it's way easier than they make it out to be!
It's NOT a job but if you look at it that way, you'll dread it naturally.
Dating should NEVER be this frustrating for either party.
This is basically the easiest stage of any (impending) relationship!

Lazy AF dating really makes me consider closely WHO and HOW I am dating and thinking of the changes I need to implement.
I have standards and I am not settling for anything outside of those; even in dating.
Fellas will find that at this stage in the game, more and more women are doing more of the same.
I know that I have to be willing to take my leaps of faith and try some things outside the box myself (See my Celibacy: Not Getting Any or Not Giving Any post).
I know what I am worth, what I expect and what I need, and I can say with certainty, there's NOTHING lazy as fuck about it!

Chunky

I discuss being chunky even after weight loss surgery and my new faded cut

Celibacy: Not Getting Any or Not Giving Any?

Today, boys and girls, we are going to discuss celibacy!

Yay! This should be fun!

Just the other day my best friend and Jae I were discussing celibacy. 

She stated that she was talking to a guy who brazenly asked her when the last time she had sex was (as if that's ANY if his business).

Well she didn't give him a timeframe but she told him she is currently celibate.

This "gentleman" proceeded to ask her why and then tell her that he is free spirited and living his life and she should try it because it's so liberating.

I..was..floored!

Needless to say, so was she!

There were SEVERAL things wrong with his statement.

1.  It's NONE of his business WHY she chose celibacy
2. Just be cause she chose celibacy doesn't mean she is not liberated or living a full or satisfying life.
3.  His intent wasn't pure by any means! He just wanted her to be "liberated" with HIM!

I thought that was SO disrespectful to not see her celibacy as a decision she freely made. 

Unfortunately, many men and women feel that because the person THEY so desire is not sleeping with them at the moment they request they can't get any or are having a dry spell.

Well, if that was the case, wouldn't they jump at the chance to bed you?

There ARE people out here fully choosing to remain celibate.

It's not all about religion either.

However choosing NOT to create new Soul Ties to someone who you don't love, who doesn't love you and doesn't consider you a soul mate nor do you consider them a soul mate, can NEVER be a bad decision!

Being celibate doesn't make you any better or worse than anyone else in my opinion. You're just opting NOT to share a part of your body and soul with someone you feel isn't right for YOU! That doesn't make THEM a bad person either by the way. 

 I think people really have an issue with celibacy too because they get the impression that that person is angry or using sex as a weapon.

Sometimes people need to focus on themselves and not let anything cloud their minds.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to remain focused. At all!

I have been on a weight loss journey and a before that journey I was healing from a wound I got when I was run over by my car.

I was solely focused on healing, recovery and getting into the flow of my weight loss goals. Sex was THEE furthest from my mind.

So yes, people do find things more important than sex these days. Lot of people find lots of things more important than sex!

Don't get it twisted; sex can be AMAZING! I personally find it more amazing when I am head over heels in love with someone and I know they feel the same about me.

It's a double edged sword though because sex can be amazing if there is a really strong physical attraction without love too. Mentally and emotionally, however, I don't feel satisfied at the end of the day. Many people share this sentiment.

All I can really do is stick to the path I am trying to blaze.

I can't let any distractions veer me from it and get me unfocused.

I have prayed for my soulmate and he is out there.

I defeat the purpose of my prayers by not waiting for "him" and doing things backwards.

I have to trust the phttps://www.yahoo.com/news/eric-bolling-apos-19-old-183106051.htmlrocess.

For me, unfulfilling meaningless sex isn't part of MY process.
It defeats the whole purpose of my prayer as well.
It also seems as if I question faith, which I don't and don't plan to start.
I know I a doing the right thing for myself because I don't even feel like I am missing out on anything whatsoever physically.
I felt like I was missing out mentally, emotionally and spiritually before I decided to be celibate.
It wasn't a good feeling.
I don't have that feeling currently because there is no one taking parts of my soul anymore and no doing anything positive with it.
I don't feel used, drained or void of emotion.
I just hope my soulmate is out there doing as I am to improve himself for me as I am for him.

Missing You

I will say, without a doubt, I am heartbroken! 

And no, it's NOT because of my dating life.

I know you all are used to my random posts about my love(less) life but this one is for my best friend.

On June 8th, she died.

Yes, you read it right; this smart, beautiful, kind, sweet, young lady died.

She was 42.

If you're surprised because she was so young, that makes TWO of us!

Yes, I know young people and people younger than her die every day but they aren't my best friends of 28 years so it doesn't affect me.

I know, I know; that's selfish of me but I admit this openly, I want her back!

I didn't get to say goodbye and I'm hurt and I'm angry.

It's NOT fair!

I'm not over it in the LEAST!

I know I am not supposed to question God at all and He knows fully what He is doing so who do I think I am right?

I..am..human!

Not to say God isn't because we were created in his image, but God gets to be with my best friend every day and now, I don't!

Honestly, I feel some type of way about it.

THIS, writing, is how I express things so forgive me if I seem self centered.

I'm grieving her so for a little bit, I'm going to be.

I don't want to mar her memory with my own feelings and my venting.

So, I'll speak of the good she brought in my life.

I met her at 15.

She was this quiet, red gyal and I of course felt like she needed protecting so that's what I did.

We had some not so nice assmates (yeah, I meant to say assmates because they were!) and I wasn't having ANY of it.

She didn't deserve that.

I was always the one who was over protective of my friends and probably always will be.

Blame my Aries nature.

She was smart, quiet and sweet. I was smart, loud and mean. Perfect combo!

We clicked instantly and became lifelong friends.

We went through puberty, young adulthood and almost made it through our middle ages.

I FULLY expected us to see old age. It wasn't to be.

• She convinced me to go back to college
• she convinced me to buy a Beetle (even though this one was a lemon)
• She told me where to go to get my first apartment (she moved in RIGHT behind me)
• I was in the car with her for my first car accident
• she taught me how to do bond in hair, and microwave ponytails
• I am fluent in Patois because of her
• I first tried all my Jamaican dishes in life and fell in love with the food because of her and her late mother
• She taught me to put colored contacts over my clear prescription ones (that was SUCH a bad idea but that's what best friends are for!)

I could go on and on as memories flood back constantly like they have since she died.

She hasn't left my mind day or night since she died.

I know it's because I wasn't prepared.

See, when my momma died, although I wasn't fully prepared, I knew it was coming.

It doesn't hurt any less now but it gets easier.

I had no CLUE a loss this great was coming and I am still in disbelief.

I still haven't processed it completely even though I was at her funeral.

Her birthday is today.

The pics I posted was from one of the many birthdays we shared.

She was SO happy!

As a matter of fact, she named herself Happy.

She told me if she spoke it into existence, it would be.

So Happy we called her.

I am now short one bridesmaid for the wedding I am going to have one day. I didn't get to be one at hers that she was planning.

My future 2nd child didn't get to become her Godchild.

I know how C.C. felt in Beaches now.

Every time I watch that movie I cry and I'm glad it wasn't MY best friend.

Now it is.

There's nothing I can do about it either.

It makes me feel so powerless.

I can say her death has prompted me to do some things I had been meaning to.

Things I know she would have been a cheerleader for.

She was already a cheerleader behind everything else I did, especially my recent weight loss.

She embodied loyalty.

 I don't have the answers but I do know life is not as long for some as it is for others.

While we're here we HAVE to make sure we live out our dreams.

Don't start things and don't finish, especially if it's going to improve my life.

Take risks even if it means rejection; somebody will say yes.

Only do things that make you happy, not what makes others happy!

Life is too short and the time we have here can be gone at any moment.

LIVE!

I miss her EVERY DAY! I don't expect that to change because missing momma hasn't changed.

I just have to tell myself any suffering she felt mentally, emotionally and physically is over because it is.

Her life is over but THAT part of her life is too!

So, I lost my best friend but I gained an angel and for that part of this all, I am forever grateful!

The Emacipation of MishMish

I vlog about my weight loss surgery, my best friend's death and current events in my life!

Patience is a Virtue

"Patience is a virtue." 

Possible interpretation: The ability to wait for something without getting angry or upset is a valuable quality in a person.

I have the patience for a LOT of things but I no longer have the patience for foolery.

I just COMPLETELY block it out or just flat out let it be known.

I don't mind that it's had me single for a while.

I'd rather be alone than be unhappy!

I am just refusing to settle.

I don't care who has an opinion about it either.

I don't base my life on the opinions of others. Period.

What is annoying to me is that men feel that JUST BECAUSE a woman is single she is miserable and that misery will make her accept JUST ANYTHING!

How DARE we say no or refuse their advances.

We aren't supposed to have standards right?

WRONG!

How very wrong!

I know what I want, need and what I personally offer.

I have prayed for what I want and need.

I KNOW what has been coming my way is NOT what God has for me.

I know better than that.

When people disappear and resurface, I am not obligated to entertain you.

I don't want to and I won't be.

I am not the type of woman who is needy but you CERTAINLY can't ignore me either! 

That will NEVER fly!

The funny thing about dudes is, they ALWAYS come back. It's up to women to  use their better judgment and send them back from whence they came!

I do not require a lot but I DO require consistency, honesty and loyalty.

I don't have the patience for ANYTHING less!

You don't get to go away, leave me wondering what the Hell happened and then come back saying you don't know what happened with us, pretending you were single all this time and now you have this stunning revelation that you want to make it work.

That's a LIE!

It has happened to me SEVERAL times, especially within the last year or so, and I am just over it.

I'm too old for the games! 

As I get older my patience becomes thinner and thinner with grown men playing little boy games.

I am a woman raising a woman and I have successfully shown her, by example, that I don't let men treat me any kind of way and I won't start now! 

Not even at the sake of being someone's "woman".

I love myself and my daughter too much to be a bad example! The world already sees her as being at a disadvantage because I'm a single mother (I disagree) with an absentee co-creator.

I will NOT feed into those negative stereotypes by traipsing men throughout her life either.

ESPECIALLY if he's not a man of substance!

Get ALL they way out of here with that! 

I know one thing I have to really read up on and practice is being a Proverbial Woman.

If I am asking God to send the right one, I need to make sure I am the right one for HIM!

It's only fair!

"To whom much is given, much is required."

Luke 12:48 

I NEVER professed to be perfect. 

I am imperfect and flawed.

However, if I learned anything from watching my parents marriage my entire life it's how to love a man and how a woman should beloved.

I have always done my best to do what my momma did to love a man. I didn't get how my father loved her from a man in return.

Even knowing that, it didn't and won't stop me from trying and I won't allow it to make me into a bitter woman,

No, I didn't follow the path they laid out for me always but that's part of learning and growing and coming into my own as an adult.

I've learned to be patient if that patience is warranted.

Unfortunately, I haven't met a man worth being patient for...yet.

He's coming. Of that, I am convinced.

My faith won't falter in that.

I have plenty of time despite the world always telling women my age we are getting too old.

I'll settle down but again, I WON'T settle!

So, I'll wait. When he comes, I'll know it.

I'll continue to live life with no apologies and to always be the best person, woman and mother I can.

God is still working on me and if he can be patient with me then I can be patient with Him.

Year End Review: 2016

Oh crap! 
I really almost forgot to post this! 
I wanted to go over my year and how it went but I'm wondering if it's really necessary. 
Honestly, not much changed and I didn't make nearly as much progress as I wanted until the final hour. 
That's keeping it all the way real. 
I didn't get a big promotion I wanted,  I didn't get published like I wanted (I'm still waiting on responses from that), I lost my car to an accident and have a scarred wound as a result. 
I am still single and I'm not searching. 
I don't even have an interest in that because I'm not happy with me so how can I be happy with another? 
Other than that; my life stood still.
However, I am not happy about it and I do not even begin to act like I am. 
I am not miserable. 
Don't get it twisted. 
I love being alive but I want to LIVE! 
Change is not in my words; it's in my actions. 
Resolutions? 
They are not for me. 
Praying for guidance, working my way around obstacles and stepping out on a limb are right up my alley. 
I don't need a new year to make that happen. Changes like that are constant! 
I will say that I finally did something about my weight. 
I had gastric sleeve surgery on December 15th. 
I am struggling with protein intake, keeping food down and on a strict liquid diet. 
So before anyone states the, "You took the easy way out." Stop yourself. 
This...is..HARD! 
At 359 pounds, there's no easy way out of anything. Know this! 
I've lost 30 pounds to date. 
It's a work in progress. 
I also am reenrolling in school. 
My future looks so bleak without a higher degree. The one I have won't suffice in today's world. Times have changed and I need to adapt. 
I was in tears at the thought of this struggle being my life. 
I can't do it anymore.
God didn't intend this for me. 
God has better plans for me. 
God helps those who help themselves. 
So, I'm doing just that.
So I'm going to study hard,  bust my ass, lose sleep, miss out on fun just to ensure I can enjoy the pleasures in life forever and make sure to set an example for my beautiful little girl. 
Co-habitating with family is not what I imagined. 
Yes, adults all need their own space but some families make it work cuz they love each other. 
I have one family member that doesn't think this way. 
There's no dramatics to speak of,  no threats or anything of that sort but my intuition never lies. 
Some people don't value family and the closeness of family even though we weren't raised that way. 
My mother would be so disappointed but I have to say myself and my sibling I'm closest to are definitely making my mother proud!
We are loving, caring genuinely and we talk almost daily to keep our bond tight. 
We don't speak out of obligation. It's real and heartfelt. 
It's no shade but I call a spade a spade. 
It used to be so hurtful but I am surrounded by very loving people in other areas of life so it balances out.
I'm good! 
So, in the Spring my daughter and I will be moving out on our own so we can breathe and have our space and feel at home. 
It's going to be hard but it's what needs to happen for my peace of mind and hers. 
I will pray for my family to be blessed regardless and that God works on their heart and spirit. 
I won't claim 2017 as "my year" as many have. That's not knocking those who do either. 
How can I claim it when so many others are accomplishing so much as well. 
Every year on Earth has to be "my year" because God blessed me to see it! 
So, I say Happy New Year!  
Be blessed, live your dreams and prosper!