Dealbreakers

deal-break·er

noun

plural noun: dealbreakers

1. (in business and politics) a factor or issue that, if unresolved during negotiations, would cause one party to withdraw from a deal.

I know I was supposed to speak on my current situationship but frankly, I am not sure I am ready to reveal my love life in full detail. I am pretty open but I retain the right to be private as much as I retain the right to speak on things that happen in my love life, as it's part of MY life.
I am not really the type to ask for the world. As a matter of fact, all who I ever dated can attest to the fact that I don't ask for much at all.
Like every man or woman, I DO have my dealbreakers. I have made exceptions for ones I should not have in the name of love far too many times, I am not ashamed to say that. I DO know that going forward I will never compromise those again.
It just seems in doing so, the respect I deserved was NEVER given, despite being earned.
They took advantage of my forgiving nature and it afforded them opportunities to test me time and time again.
What sucks is, I believed they were good natured people and they would not purposely hurt me. So I excused the behavior. 
However being good natured is effortless. Picking and choosing when you want to be that way is disingenuine. It shows me that they only do it when it is something in it for them. That's a really selfish act.
I can't be selfless and get nothing in return. I would be a plum fool.
I have a big heart and I do things from my heart. It's hard for me to not care and want to treat people how I want to be treated.
I realize some people have no conscience.
My deal breakers are no longer compromisable.

These are MY dealbreakers:

Lying: 
If you lie, I can't and won't deal with you. 
Lying wold entail: Anything regarding relationship statuses, your intent of the relationship between us in the present and future, your employment status (Just because you want to be President you can't go around saying you are under the guise of speaking things into existence!), etc..

Callousness:
If you KNOW I am in a bind and you ignore it, you are not part of my life as a man. It's NOTHING worse than being stuck on the side of the road and you can't even rely on the person that's laying in your bed every night to come help you out.
Under this category falls when you don't care about my feelings in general. 
This is when you do something foul, issue a sorry apology (often being done several times over a course of time) and basically expect me to get over it. 
I.E. My birthday is  big deal to me, like most people, 
This year was the first one I celebrated since my mom died last year. She made big deals out of our birthdays, 
While I don't expect others to, if you plan something nice for me, I expect you to keep your word.
Plans were made for me that were not only NOT kept but the person told me to get over it.  I found out the day of, had packed my bags for two days get away and I proceeded to act as if it was no big deal. 
They basically told me to deal with the shit or get the fuck out their crib. It was my BIRTHDAY! I was crying on what should have been a really great weekend for me.
Well, 8 months later, while I don't hold a grudge, I am NOT over it. I am still hurt behind it. I forgave but I did not forget. I can't say that would be the kind of hurt you would forget.
I would NEVER do that to someone. It's cruel, it's mean and well, CALLOUS!

Disrespect:
Being mean spirited and trying to humble me is another  part  of being callous.
I am not walking around acting like I am all that. I hold my head up and have certain standards because I was raised that way.
I DO expect some sort of chilvary and for him to be a gentleman to me!
I.E. For my door to be opened to cars and buildings. I am a lady and I carry myself that way with my man and away from him. I represent him and I don't do things to embarrass him or emasculate him. So, opening my door should be a given. It's a requirement.
I should never have to feel embarassed because the person I am dealing with allows me to walk to their car, with other women and men around looking at me and open my OWN door! It's humiliating! I just feel strongly about it,
Calling me out of my name, cursing me out, any violence of any kind....DEALBREAKERS!

Indecisiveness:
Please know exactly what you want. If it's not me, stop faking it! Keep it 100! All of us have been let down at some point. I am 41! I have NOT gotten everyone I ever wanted. I have been rejected. I can handle it. What I can't handle being strung along because you want to keep me on board until you find the better option, or on YOUR timeline for when you want to settle down.
I am not a toy, a puppet or call girl.
And please don't say you don't want a relationship then act like you do when I want to leave or when you want a temporary woman. I am not a bedwarmer either.

Secrecy:
I don't know ANY of your friends, family, where you work or where you live and it's been months?! DEALBREAKER!
Okay so maybe not the family, but damn, your friends? To me, if I am being hidden, I'm a jump off, so I'mma jump off the crazy train and be out! 

Communication:
I don't have to talk to you fifty times a day. However, texts and  IMs aren't enough. Not EVERYTHING is meant to be discussed on text or IM. You can't tell someone's tone via texts. It's easy to misterpret. Too easy! 
I can't stand a man who can't express himself with words, who speaks in codes and beats around the bush.  That's a CHILD, that's not a man!
So many issues can be fixed with clear communication. So many misunderstandings can be cleared up. It makes room for bonds to grow stronger and trust to be built. 

I am not as complicated as I am made to be by people who don't want to do the work. ANY relationship takes work. If you want it, you do it. If you don't, you lose it. It's just THAT simple! There's no secret recipe or special formula for me. I just want honesty, respect, loyalty, trust communication and someone to hold me down like I hold them down. I don't mind building with someone. I don't have it all but I am growing and I want someone willing to grow with me as well. I deserve that much. I deserve THAT much and then some.

I had quite a year. I hope this next one is my best one yet! I am ready for whatever it brings and I welcome it!
I hope that 2016 brings you love and light, peace and prosperity, health and happiness.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!

My Truth - A Year Later, Part 1

Today I am going to give you a rare glimpse into my personal dating life. 
As some of you may well know, I took a six-year hiatus on dating.  I became a single mother,  I lived in a really small, cliquish one horse town, I knew I would be moving away from there soon and was (and I still am) focused on my daughter and working.

It wasn't until I moved here to the Atlanta area that I decided to give dating a whirl. 

This has been....I am trying to think of one word to describe it accurately...

Well, honestly, I can't. So I am going to just describe it how I feel.

And let me just say that if you're someone I dated and you're reading this and you get offended, honestly, I don't really give a fuck. 

That is MY flaw, this brutal honesty, and I own that. 
I am working on toning it down. But that won't be today so suck it easy! It's not like any of us are TRULY friends, although had there been some honesty on YOUR part we could have been.

I have friends here. As a matter of fact my best friend is here. I have been asked why they don't hook me up."
Honestly, I don't really like or expect my friends to set me up. Unfortunately, while they are really awesome, they are single too, this isn't the era my parents were in when in their dating years (actually, by this age (41) my mom and dad had been married almost 20 years) and people just don't do the matchmaking thing anymore. It sucks really though because your friends are the best judge of characters aside from yourself, and they are on the outside looking in. 
They see flaws we miss because we have our blinders on. They know us and know who we would be a good match for. However, if they are having their own struggles, it's hard for them to really push theirs aside for mine. I get it and I am not offended. 

But I digress.

This experience for me has been full of dishonesty, selfishness, secrecy,  disappointment and hurt. 

I wear my heart on my sleeve. I give it freely once I decide to give it and I expect the same. I don't fall in love easily (and I am not currently in love) and haven't been in love in almost a decade. 

The last person I was in love with has been with the woman he had after me for almost as long. I admit I screwed that up royally and I still kick myself over it. He was an awesome guy then and still is now but I wasn't smart enough to see it then. He's still a great friend to me to this day (you see how that works?).

Just because I am not in love doesn't mean I don't love.

I can love you for your personality, your sense of humor, how smart you are, your sense of adventure...or simply for just being you!

I don't require much either.  I require, honesty, a giving and caring person and someone open with nothing to hide. I like a smart man, a driven man and a man willing to be serious about me.

It's been almost a year. I haven't had ANY combination of those things in a person I dated.

Don't get me wrong, it's only been two I "dated" and the others were false starts, which is NOT to be translated to sex. It wasn't. Hell, we didn't get that far!
My first experience started off pleasant. He was a church going guy, very much into music and attractive. I blogged about that experience here.
Well I want to say that I could have taken that as a sign but I like to be optimistic. I am a bit of a hopeless romantic and I feel find WILL find the one so I definitely didn't let that deter me. He wasn't honest with me, he was either too busy or already involved (after he added me on Facebook I noticed a chick that seemed to linger around a lot so I kind of put two and two together) and I didn't fit into the scheme of things. I took that L and kept it pushing.
My second experience started off great. This dude seemed really interested but he was pushing for a meeting too fast and I was hesitant. That was my gut instinct telling me to be cautious and next time I will go with it.
We finally meet and he's very attractive, sweet, attentive and has his ducks in a row as far as what meets the eye. I even felt comfortable enough to bring him around my family but NOT as my man. It was just friendship.
Well, he pulled a disappearing act for two weeks and randomly popped back up expecting me not to have questions or an issue with that.
That was NOT cool! If he felt that things were getting too heavy and he wasn't ready, he should filled ME in on that! I assumed he used me for a space filler and that the interest I developed wasn't genuinely reciprocated. Of course I had sense enough to ASK what he wanted, however what he said and what he did were two TOTALLY different things.
That sucked because the trust I had for him went out the window. I no longer took him seriously. His disappearing was a habit and happened several times in the months we "dated". Finally, he just flaked out on me TWICE at a time I had an emergency with my car and with my daughter and I was done!
I at least told him so he knew to delete my number and not bother randomly hitting me up at time I assume,  he was between women or bored with the one he may have had or whatever he has going on. It wasn't worth devoting the energy to find out.
There was another dude I was digging after that. Really smart, attractive and had great conversation.
Honestly, I don't know why we didn't become good friends at the very least.
I tried. I genuinely tried to at least be friends with him but when he went out to lounges or events, he NEVER included me despite me having expressed interest numerous times in going.
I definitely wasn't trying to copblock or make my presence known as his chick cuz I wasn't nor did I remotely think that. I just thought he was a cool dude and would be fun to hang out with.
After hitting someone up and asking what they are doing so many tines and learning they are out with friends, you get the picture they don't or WON'T be considering you one. I let it go.
No hard feelings but maybe I was in my feelings about the slight or what I felt was a slight. He wasn't a bad dude to me but it just wasn't in the cards for us to be friends or otherwise.
It is what it is.
So now onto the gentleman and the scholar. Actually, scholar, yes, gentleman,  NO!
This guy was pushy from the gate. He is highly intelligent and established. Physically I wasn't attracted to him because he is the spitting image of someone who I consider family. The attraction wasn't there.
I decided to finally go out with him EVEN THOUGH I didn't feel comfortable. He was just pushy and always upset because I wouldn't go out with him when HE wanted me to.
I thought maybe I was just being difficult because I hate when people try to control me. Blame the Aries in me. So against my better judgment, I decided to go.
The ENTIRE date he bashed every guy I had spoken of dating. I just spoke of my past experience in life as a whole. This man used his PhD in psychology to analyze every bit of information (which wasn't much because I didn't need to spill all my personal business with him) I had given him about my past dating experiences. I am 41. I have been dating since I was 20. Now you all KNOW I did NOT tell this man about 20 years of dating! I didn't even tell him details of my dates before him. I just said I wasn't on the same page with the ones I have met since I moved. THAT WAS IT!
This dude tries to get detailed information from me regarding WHY it didn't work. I immediately knew it was to try to manipulate me and use psychology on me so I can bend to HIS will.
You gotta be quicker than that!
When that failed miserably, he thought that pushing up on me in a parking lot, trying to shove his hand into my vagina and propositioning me to go to the hotel across the street would do it.
Surely a woman whom he NEVER had a sexual conversation with MUST want to suddenly sleep with him right?
WRONG!
I declined. He proceeded to try to hook up with me and I finally just told him it will never work.
For one, he stated he was divorced and not ready for a relationship, he wanted to go with the flow and I need more than that.
Secondly, I saw how he used his super powers (his psychology degree) for evil. I can't stand a manipulative man who thinks that he's smarter than I am. He even told he's not used to a woman that can keep up with him mentally but liked that I could.
My red flags went up because I knew it would be a constant power struggle and constant mind games.
I just couldn't subject myself to that. 
I have dealt with a lot of loss in the past two years. My mother being the BIGGEST loss! So losing someone who doesn't have sincere interest in me is NOTHING! (I will explain that in the second part of this post when I get to my current situation.) I am tired of giving my all to people just to get such a small portion back.
I won't let it break my spirit. My mom was heartbroken by her first marriage, bounced back and married my dad.  So her spirit in in me. I miss her, especially now. She's not here to listen to me discuss my disappointments and be my shoulder through this fiasco I call my  love life.
She certainly would have some encouraging words for me to help me muddle through all of this. 
Since she's not,  I have to tough it out and get through it until he arrives.
I take lessons from everyone. I still haven't learned to listen to the No's however. 
I still think that my heart can win someone over. I think I can show them that whatever they went through in love, I can erase it and make it better. 
I still think that the good in me will make people want to show me the good in them.
 I still think that there is good in people even when they mean me no good.
I still think I am too optimistic when there is not positive in the situation. 
I am STILL growing.
I am STILL learning,
I am STILL healing.
Most importantly, I am STILL STANDING!

The Stock Market

Fellas, today we are gonna discuss how your stock drops with women! 

I am pretty sure this will be pegged as yet another man bashing post but who cares? 

I will ALWAYS give it to you straight! That's who I am and my blog is based on my life and how I view it. In a nutshell, fuck your opinions because I speak FACTS!

A lot of you look so good on paper! Hell, a lot of you look good period ( I won't pretend looks haven't kept some dudes around for me before as it has with many other women). However, that holds about a much weight as said paper, when it really counts.

You know what makes you lose value with us, guys?

THE LIES!

I really can't say this enough. I am seeing that now that I am back in the dating game, men are STILL lying about their intentions.

I am thinking because I am older and wiser that surely the men I encounter will be too. They will be more stable financially, have a blossoming career and be ready to be in ONE solid, stable relationship.

My friends and acquaintances are looking for the same thing. We are that, so we look for that. We look for someone we are equally yoked with. We are getting everything BUT!

It never made sense to me for a person to pretend they have it all together and present one person to you when they are another.

You guys have GOT to stop sending your representatives to meet us and then showing up with the real you later! It's just not fair!

I don't want you talking about how you meet us with long hair and it's weave or pretty nails and it's acrylics or a slim waist and it's a waist shaper, because it's totally NOT the same thing! That is the physical! 
If you want to go there we can though.

We meet you with six packs,  fresh hair cuts, casket sharp and smelling like a dream and three months down the line your always in sweats or shorts, Nike sandals with socks and smelling like day old sweat!

You're standing next to us mean mugging the dude who looks like you did when we met you cuz he can't believe YOU bagged one of US!

By the way, he's well past the stage of lying and knows exactly what he wants, he is the ONLY person representing himself and he's ready to scoop us up because he knows a good investment when he sees one.
Marinate on THAT!

Is it sinking in yet? No? Allow me to continue...

You know damn well that you aren't ready to take us home to your mom's so stop trying to get in good with the fam (especially to a child of a single mother) just to have sex! That's only going to push you to the top of the douche pool.

Trust the dating world in your area is smaller than you  think and people talk. It's gonna catch up to you! That's pretty desperate and saying shit like, "You can't unfuck me!" Takes major points off..and makes you a pathological liar!

Your homies laugh but when you wanna holla at his sister who just finished grad school and moved back locally (you know the one whose body milk did really good), guess who's NOT in her future husband pool? You think he'd EVER let YOU near HER?

You guys also seem to forget that the older WE get, the older YOU get. By the time you get prepared to find the one, the next generation of men, who are smarter, more ambitious, more mature, more virile (yeah, I mean his stamina is on point) and into US.

See, we are bonds that have increased in face value and have matured, and they want to invest. They set up coupon dates from the gate and know we are worth far more than out issue price. And you guys are like pyramid schemes. You recruit all these women who invest in you with the promise of a high return only to have it all come crumbling down because you're a fraud! 
Then you will be the first to say, "I can't find a good woman!"

Stop frontin'! There's no future in it! Be successful no matter your position in life. If you're unhappy, change it! There is such thing as as speaking things into existence HOWEVER, you can't say you own your own business, like a barbershop for example and you're renting a chair! THAT'S A LIE! We get so sick of you all saying you are a boss when you're not. Bosses don't have to tell people, you can see it. Unless you're Rick Ross, stop chanting about how much of a boss you are! We know you're lying!

This post isn't long enough to cover all the variables in the treachery of the lies and the cut throat ways you use to get to the top of the dating world. I don't have that kind of time. I'm busy sifting through the bull to get to the real.

You are not very good at playing the market. Not at all. You are a bad investment, you never mature and your face value...well, you have none.

So, remember that all the time you spend will you take risks with lying, we have stock options just like you do. We are doing our research, we're shopping around and looking for a better broker than YOU!

Believe me, there is always one that's high yielding (we reap great benefits), has a fixed rate (remember my consistency post? Yeah...that part!) And the return on our investment is 100 times greater than YOURS!

"The main purpose of the stock market is to make fools of as many men as possible."

Bernard Baruch

Read more at http://www.brainyquote.com/quotes/keywords/stock_market.html#r4ybpyszqHlb6VoI.99

Can You Be More Specific?

*Names have been omitted because we don't BOTH need to be douches*

Let me start off by saying,  I DON'T think I am everyone's cup of tea. That's not realistic to think I would be. However, if you give a description of what you like (of course, this is in reference to online/blind dating)  and I fit that description, of COURSE I will think we may be compatible!  What person in their right mind wouldn't? Notice I said might. I say might because there are so many variables to our personalities, we can't assume a base make up of us can give way to the complexities of us. Again, it's not realistic.

If we're talking and connecting and then you describe what you want, that person...okay, I, will no doubt think I have a shot in the dark.

Clearly, there is much more than what is being said. People are afraid to look shallow by stating exactly what they want. The catch to that is, you appear even MORE shallow when you blow them off after getting a picture or by not responding AT ALL! 

There are a few things wrong in that equation and not being specific enough can cause a problem.

Point and case, the conversation I saved from above happened a while back (disregard the three days ago) and I knew I would want to address it so I saved it. You all know by now my blog postings are random and my busy life (and Aries procrastinating)  don't allow me to post as often as I should. 

I digress. The gentleman above described me (well, what he wanted which IS me!) and asked for pictures. I, not being shy when I am comfortable enough, will share face and body pictures. I am not trying to hide or have anyone be surprised by me being a BBW. I sent the pics as requested. I am still waiting for a response (No, I'm not really, but you understand my sarcasm).

Over the years I have discovered when using the term BBW, there's levels to this shit. I, to this day don't get it, but I get it. I have been called: thick, fat, phat, BBW, super sized BBW (to me that's stupid because I am a big, beautiful woman period. And I guess that's some man's way of saying, "She's not a size 12 like the BBW models, she's more like a size 18, homie!). I just know I am big, I am beautiful and very much a woman. When you say, "Not into skinny women." The opposite of that is fat! My headshots don't even look like I am anything less than fat so I don't Catfish with headshots like they claim BBWs do. I look like a BBW! However, you won't get Jill Scott BBW, I am more Mo'Nique when she was on the Parker's BBW. If you meant Jill and get something else, IT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED HAD YOU BEEN MORE SPECIFIC! Women turn down men we are not attracted to, politely, DAILY!  

I won't ever go in on a dude for that. Ever. I won't hold a grudge or cry about it. I DO feel some type of way about him not ever replying though. It's just...RUDE!

I am not the average sized woman. That's no secret. Me being smart, ladylike, having my ducks in a row AND attractive isn't either! I AM someone you can take home to momma. Even with odds against me for being a single mother, I am a catch.

I am smart, witty, confident, self-sufficent, black and I am NOT skinny ..if that's what you're actually into and not just saying you are.

I am not for closeted BBW lovers. I won't be a secret, be hidden from your friends and family or be the side chick. I won't be punished emotionally or abused mentally for being a BBW. If you are uncomfortable being seen with me, I promise you will never have to. I'll ensure you won't ever see me again. I am fine with that. C'est la vie!

You might win some but you just lost one...

Letting Go

"You made me happy this you can bet

Stood right beside me and I won't forget

I really love you, you should know

I want to make sure I'm right before I let go

We had our good times that's not the same

We're hurting each other girl it's s shame

I won't be foolish I've got to know

I want to make sure I'm right before I let go."

It's ironic that this Maze featuring Frankie Beverly is one of my favorite songs.
It wasn't until recently that I took the words of the song to heart and truly thought about what they meant.

As a matter of fact it was the day before Valentine's Day, and I was thinking of someone who I would have loved to have spent the following day with, but realized it was time to just let that go.

As a woman, I tend to try to make things happen in a relationship that's failing or failed that simply WON'T!  It's not wanting to fail, fear of rejection, being exactly sure that I am right about letting go before I do and a barrage of things.

What I DO know is, that if it doesn't fit, don't force it! I do know that holding onto someone who doesn't deserve you, who can't get past your past mistakes or you, theirs, or who is straddling the fence on where you all stand is not beneficial to YOU!

The person you need to look out for needs to always be you FIRST! Yes, I know it sounds a mite selfish but if you don't do it, who will?
As women, we do tend to put the needs of others well before ours. We don't typically get that in return. This vicious cycle continues and we end up doing what? Refusing to let go!

"We were so close I love your charm, 

ooh I can't understand it, no

Where did we go wrong?

I won't be askin', girl 

I've got to know

I gotta make sure I'm right...

Before I let go."

You can let go of the ideas you have of someone and the relationship you think you should have with them and just let it be what it is. I am not, by any means, saying that you should settle. Sometimes you just enjoy that person for who they are and you know it will never be more than you have right then and there. And that's perfectly fine too. Just know not to expect him to put a ring on it, even if he does like it!

I have also learned that I have to let go of the notion that just because someone is mature doesn't mean that as far as relationships, we are on the same page. We tend to think that as we enter our 40s and are unmarried and/or childless, life as we know it is over. That's definitely something we need to let go of! More and more women in their 40s are settling down, getting married and having babies. Look at Madonna and Halle Berry. Yes, I know they are rich, but their money has nothing to do with their 40+ and 50+ year old uterus!

I am guilty as all hell of hanging on for familiarity and because I am content. Being content with something not meant for us holds us back for the person who truly IS meant for us! That's the WRONG kind of comfort zone to be in! I am sure I said it's unhealthy too before, right?

It's okay to say, "It was fun while it lasted ..." and go on about your business. I am finding myself making that choice as well. You can like that person, like how they look, like how they make you feel (when they make you feel good) and they still simply not be "the one". It simply is what it is!

I am at the point in my life where random texts when either of us in the the mood to deal with the other, hearing from someone days after I contact them or if at all is not my cup of tea. Call me Kermit!

I need communication, a real connection, and real companionship. I just can't settle for whatever it is someone wants to give me. I deserve far more than that and I have earned far more than that. I conduct myself as a woman who is worth more so I expect more. Hell, I REQUIRE more! Any woman who knows her worth should. I certainly know mine.

Seasons change and people change. The saying about people coming into your life for a season are the truest words EVER! I am fine with that. Just like you clean out your closet and rid yourself of the winter clothes in the summer we should do the same in our personal lives. Everything is not worth keeping and cluttering up your life. It may have value but do you REALLY NEED it? Does it bring value to YOU? Does it fit in your life anymore?

And as I have matured over the years, I still had some growing to do, I have finally learned to let go peacefully. I can get mad and fly off the handle and be pretty ugly with my words. I am opting not to do that. I learned lessons from that. Every ending doesn't HAVE to be a bad one. Sometimes things just..end.

Consistenly Inconsistent

Inner-resting ...this came from a male.

*raises hands in surrender* 

Don't shoot the messenger, fellas! I am only quoting one of YOUR counterparts. I do, however, completely agree.

As always, I was discussing things with one of my best friends, who is also dating, and this was something we both stated we despised. She told me to tell y'all, "What she said!" In reference to this posting since she's agreeing with me.

If there is one things women in any relationship hate is inconsistency! Let us define it for those who know not what they do.

inconsistency

[in-kuh n-sis-tuh n-see] 

noun, plural inconsistencies for 2.

1.

the quality or condition of being inconsistent.

2.

an inconsistent thing, action,remark, etc.

What stands out so much to me here is inconsistent action. Therein lies the problem! Inconsistency is hands down thee number one issue a lot of women I have spoken to about dating have complaints about! It goes hand in hand with the complaint about the art of conversation being lost.

I, for one cannot stand it when a man shifts gears back and forth. It makes me hesitant to take them seriously, hesitant to trust them and most certainly hesitant to commit to them. No woman walking this Earth has ever jumped to say she wants to hubby up an inconsistent man. Not one.
An inconsistent man speaks multitudes about other issues in his life.

He most definitely runs the risk of being inconsistent in other areas of importance.

For example, an inconsistent man poses a threat of being the type of man who can't consistently keep a job, pay the bills or keep food on the table.

These are basic everyday things in life.

A man who is not consistent in how he communicates or how frequently he communicates is another sore spot. Sporadic calls, random texts, or an lol under our pics doesn't mean you  are consistent in communication just because you do it all the time.

If communication, which is a huge part of how we make it through life, is a problem, how can he hold down a solid relationship with a decent woman? 

Inconsistency is a surefire sign to women that they are being strung along as well. Going back and forth from one behavior and emotion to another certainly doesn't make a woman feel secure or have confidence that a man is being 100 with them. From my personal experience, this has ALWAYS been the case.

If he knows exactly what he wants today, then he should want the same thing tomorrow whether that's good or bad. The problem with inconsistency is you never know WHAT the man really wants and at any given time it can switch up. I can only equate it to walking a tightrope on a gusty day, and while you have a safety net, it has holes in various spots throughout it.

Some of these guys are really great guys who are smart and have great personalities. You want to giv. them chances, butg the emotional roller coasters and merry-go-rounds are too much! No one wants to be taken for a ride. At some point when women see they are on one, they are going to want to get off no matter how much they like the ride operator. 

Fellas,  good or bad, we appreciate knowing one way or the other. We just respect the truth. Period. 

Women take a chance and lay it on the line for you guys all the time. It's high time you started reciprocating. I know I have put my feelings out there, and it's not always been the result I wanted but it beat the back and forth that inconsistency causes.

Fellas, women have been through worse and bounced back. If you're not feeling us, it may sting momentarily but it's much better than finding out much later.

Women truly do appreciate solidity. Would you prefer a strong foundation to stand on or shaky ground? Which would YOU choose? 

Now let's define consistent for those who DO know what they are doing.

Consistent

con·sist·ent

kənˈsistənt/

adjective

(of a person, behavior, or process) unchanging in achievement or effect over a period of time.

synonyms: constant, regular, uniform, steady, stable, even, unchanging, undeviating, unfluctuating; More

compatible or in agreement with something

synonyms: compatible with, congruous with, consonant with, in tune with, in line with, reconcilable with; not containing any logical contradictions.

What stood out for me here was:  constant, regular, uniform, steady, stable, even, unchanging, undeviating, unfluctuating; and in tune with, in line with, reconcilable with; not containing any logical contradictions.

No contradictions. Unchanging. Unfluctuating. Stable. Constant. 

If you ask any woman she would pick at least two of those adjectives to describe what she looks for in a relationship. If your behavior doesn't dictate any of these things, fellas, you're doing it wrong!

The Art of Conversation

Lately one of my closest friends and I have been discussing our dating life and the things we encounter in it. The one common complaint, and I use that word loosely, is that the art of conversation is lost! 

In the day and age of social media, texting, and instant messaging, a lot of people think everything can be resolved through one of those sources.

Now mind you, I am up on the times so I too use these resources. However,  I am blessed to be part of the generation that is old school with a touch of new school. I STILL believe everything can't be resolved via text, IM or Skype. Some things require face to face or at the very LEAST a phone call! It would save a lot of heartache and headache!

For example, an apology is much better served with a look of sincerity in your eyes so that person knows you really mean it. You can't get that through a text or DM (direct message for those unaware) or an IM (you all should know that's an instant message). 

Remember my olive branch extension post? Well, it's much better extended face to face than via long, drawn out texts that an angry person can pick apart and interpret how they want. 

In a real conversation they can hear the tone of your voice and the sincerity in your voice as well; That's so hard to decipher in writing! It's basically impossible to get the real feel of what a person is saying in writing during instances like that.

This isn't about apologies today so let me not digress. 

We discussed how much we appreciate a man that is a good communicator. We talked about how important it is to keep in contact and how it shows us that you really have a sincere and genuine interest. 

A good morning text is great and no one is expecting daily phone calls from someone that we are just dating, and not dating seriously. However, hearing your voice on the other end of the phone from a surprise phone call is a welcome change from the norm. 

We know you are more than likely dating several women, and the good morning text that you send us could very well be copy and pasted. Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to come up with unique and exciting lines to woo me because that's not really sincere. Besides, you don't know enough about me to decipher how much I stand out from the other women. I do know this, if you don't take the chance and the opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone and actually open up a dialogue with me, you will never know that about me. That is plain and simple and cut and dry.

There should never be a time in our time on Earth, that we are comfortable with discussing something important or something that we deem of importance via text. It isn't a time if you want someone to take you seriously.

We were also discussing that we take the man who makes a valiant effort to call us on the phone and pick our brains and lets us pick theirs, ten times more seriously.

 You would be amazed at how many things get lost in translation when you send a text message! I have actually gotten into heated arguments with people because I thought they meant one thing they thought I meant another, and both of us totally and completely misunderstood everything the other person was saying. Now just imagine that occurring while you're trying to actually date a person. Versus you picking up the phone and actually talking things over with them you continue to send angry texts, silly emojis and acronyms like WTF? And FML!.

One of my friends is a great conversationalist! He's very smart, although he's humble about it. What I like most about speaking to him is that he will pick up the phone and call, and when he calls he actually has something of substance to say. I can pretty much pick any topic to discuss and he has a good amount of things to say on that topic.

Mind you, he is very busy; however he realizes that making the time to actually physically communicate via other forms than text messaging, makes much more of a difference in how I act and in how we interact. He really gets it.

When you have circumstances like that, a woman actually starts to compare and make her deductions. More than likely you will be subtracted from the equation. Even though we aren't trying to marry you, you want to give 'em something to talk about...literally!

He who texts, IMs, DMs and likes pictures on Instagram versus telling you personally how beautiful you are, may find himself by himself.

Why You Asking All These Questions?

Typically,  I tell people to mind their business. Why? Simply put, I am an open book. There's no need to be nosy because I have nothing to hide. Some things just aren't your business to know. I can be closed to certain things but I decided to step out of my comfort zone some.

Clearly,  I am a blogger. Bloggers typically are big mouth extroverts. I am NO different from the rest of them. I am of course referring to the non gossiping ones and the ones who write about celebs. I write about MY truths and MY experience.

I realize that while I might not  have a lot of traffic to this blog,  I have enough and people may have questions. So, I am about to be even more open.

Today I created an Ask.FM account. This was created so no assumptions are to be made when you can Simply ASK ME! It even lets you ask anonymously so you don't have to feel that pressure. Nothing is off limits so if you're reading this, ask away. I am honest to a fault so don't expect sugar coating.

Nothing and no one prompted me to write a questions blog.  I simply did.

I feel like I have to give a disclaimer because people are vain and they make EVERYTHING about them even though it's not.

So, here's how you can get to the meat and potatoes of me: Ask Tamisha ANYTHING here!