Chunky

I discuss being chunky even after weight loss surgery and my new faded cut

Celibacy: Not Getting Any or Not Giving Any?

Today, boys and girls, we are going to discuss celibacy!

Yay! This should be fun!

Just the other day my best friend and Jae I were discussing celibacy. 

She stated that she was talking to a guy who brazenly asked her when the last time she had sex was (as if that's ANY if his business).

Well she didn't give him a timeframe but she told him she is currently celibate.

This "gentleman" proceeded to ask her why and then tell her that he is free spirited and living his life and she should try it because it's so liberating.

I..was..floored!

Needless to say, so was she!

There were SEVERAL things wrong with his statement.

1.  It's NONE of his business WHY she chose celibacy
2. Just be cause she chose celibacy doesn't mean she is not liberated or living a full or satisfying life.
3.  His intent wasn't pure by any means! He just wanted her to be "liberated" with HIM!

I thought that was SO disrespectful to not see her celibacy as a decision she freely made. 

Unfortunately, many men and women feel that because the person THEY so desire is not sleeping with them at the moment they request they can't get any or are having a dry spell.

Well, if that was the case, wouldn't they jump at the chance to bed you?

There ARE people out here fully choosing to remain celibate.

It's not all about religion either.

However choosing NOT to create new Soul Ties to someone who you don't love, who doesn't love you and doesn't consider you a soul mate nor do you consider them a soul mate, can NEVER be a bad decision!

Being celibate doesn't make you any better or worse than anyone else in my opinion. You're just opting NOT to share a part of your body and soul with someone you feel isn't right for YOU! That doesn't make THEM a bad person either by the way. 

 I think people really have an issue with celibacy too because they get the impression that that person is angry or using sex as a weapon.

Sometimes people need to focus on themselves and not let anything cloud their minds.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to remain focused. At all!

I have been on a weight loss journey and a before that journey I was healing from a wound I got when I was run over by my car.

I was solely focused on healing, recovery and getting into the flow of my weight loss goals. Sex was THEE furthest from my mind.

So yes, people do find things more important than sex these days. Lot of people find lots of things more important than sex!

Don't get it twisted; sex can be AMAZING! I personally find it more amazing when I am head over heels in love with someone and I know they feel the same about me.

It's a double edged sword though because sex can be amazing if there is a really strong physical attraction without love too. Mentally and emotionally, however, I don't feel satisfied at the end of the day. Many people share this sentiment.

All I can really do is stick to the path I am trying to blaze.

I can't let any distractions veer me from it and get me unfocused.

I have prayed for my soulmate and he is out there.

I defeat the purpose of my prayers by not waiting for "him" and doing things backwards.

I have to trust the phttps://www.yahoo.com/news/eric-bolling-apos-19-old-183106051.htmlrocess.

For me, unfulfilling meaningless sex isn't part of MY process.
It defeats the whole purpose of my prayer as well.
It also seems as if I question faith, which I don't and don't plan to start.
I know I a doing the right thing for myself because I don't even feel like I am missing out on anything whatsoever physically.
I felt like I was missing out mentally, emotionally and spiritually before I decided to be celibate.
It wasn't a good feeling.
I don't have that feeling currently because there is no one taking parts of my soul anymore and no doing anything positive with it.
I don't feel used, drained or void of emotion.
I just hope my soulmate is out there doing as I am to improve himself for me as I am for him.

Missing You

I will say, without a doubt, I am heartbroken! 

And no, it's NOT because of my dating life.

I know you all are used to my random posts about my love(less) life but this one is for my best friend.

On June 8th, she died.

Yes, you read it right; this smart, beautiful, kind, sweet, young lady died.

She was 42.

If you're surprised because she was so young, that makes TWO of us!

Yes, I know young people and people younger than her die every day but they aren't my best friends of 28 years so it doesn't affect me.

I know, I know; that's selfish of me but I admit this openly, I want her back!

I didn't get to say goodbye and I'm hurt and I'm angry.

It's NOT fair!

I'm not over it in the LEAST!

I know I am not supposed to question God at all and He knows fully what He is doing so who do I think I am right?

I..am..human!

Not to say God isn't because we were created in his image, but God gets to be with my best friend every day and now, I don't!

Honestly, I feel some type of way about it.

THIS, writing, is how I express things so forgive me if I seem self centered.

I'm grieving her so for a little bit, I'm going to be.

I don't want to mar her memory with my own feelings and my venting.

So, I'll speak of the good she brought in my life.

I met her at 15.

She was this quiet, red gyal and I of course felt like she needed protecting so that's what I did.

We had some not so nice assmates (yeah, I meant to say assmates because they were!) and I wasn't having ANY of it.

She didn't deserve that.

I was always the one who was over protective of my friends and probably always will be.

Blame my Aries nature.

She was smart, quiet and sweet. I was smart, loud and mean. Perfect combo!

We clicked instantly and became lifelong friends.

We went through puberty, young adulthood and almost made it through our middle ages.

I FULLY expected us to see old age. It wasn't to be.

• She convinced me to go back to college
• she convinced me to buy a Beetle (even though this one was a lemon)
• She told me where to go to get my first apartment (she moved in RIGHT behind me)
• I was in the car with her for my first car accident
• she taught me how to do bond in hair, and microwave ponytails
• I am fluent in Patois because of her
• I first tried all my Jamaican dishes in life and fell in love with the food because of her and her late mother
• She taught me to put colored contacts over my clear prescription ones (that was SUCH a bad idea but that's what best friends are for!)

I could go on and on as memories flood back constantly like they have since she died.

She hasn't left my mind day or night since she died.

I know it's because I wasn't prepared.

See, when my momma died, although I wasn't fully prepared, I knew it was coming.

It doesn't hurt any less now but it gets easier.

I had no CLUE a loss this great was coming and I am still in disbelief.

I still haven't processed it completely even though I was at her funeral.

Her birthday is today.

The pics I posted was from one of the many birthdays we shared.

She was SO happy!

As a matter of fact, she named herself Happy.

She told me if she spoke it into existence, it would be.

So Happy we called her.

I am now short one bridesmaid for the wedding I am going to have one day. I didn't get to be one at hers that she was planning.

My future 2nd child didn't get to become her Godchild.

I know how C.C. felt in Beaches now.

Every time I watch that movie I cry and I'm glad it wasn't MY best friend.

Now it is.

There's nothing I can do about it either.

It makes me feel so powerless.

I can say her death has prompted me to do some things I had been meaning to.

Things I know she would have been a cheerleader for.

She was already a cheerleader behind everything else I did, especially my recent weight loss.

She embodied loyalty.

 I don't have the answers but I do know life is not as long for some as it is for others.

While we're here we HAVE to make sure we live out our dreams.

Don't start things and don't finish, especially if it's going to improve my life.

Take risks even if it means rejection; somebody will say yes.

Only do things that make you happy, not what makes others happy!

Life is too short and the time we have here can be gone at any moment.

LIVE!

I miss her EVERY DAY! I don't expect that to change because missing momma hasn't changed.

I just have to tell myself any suffering she felt mentally, emotionally and physically is over because it is.

Her life is over but THAT part of her life is too!

So, I lost my best friend but I gained an angel and for that part of this all, I am forever grateful!

The Emacipation of MishMish

I vlog about my weight loss surgery, my best friend's death and current events in my life!