The Art of Conversation

Lately one of my closest friends and I have been discussing our dating life and the things we encounter in it. The one common complaint, and I use that word loosely, is that the art of conversation is lost! 

In the day and age of social media, texting, and instant messaging, a lot of people think everything can be resolved through one of those sources.

Now mind you, I am up on the times so I too use these resources. However,  I am blessed to be part of the generation that is old school with a touch of new school. I STILL believe everything can't be resolved via text, IM or Skype. Some things require face to face or at the very LEAST a phone call! It would save a lot of heartache and headache!

For example, an apology is much better served with a look of sincerity in your eyes so that person knows you really mean it. You can't get that through a text or DM (direct message for those unaware) or an IM (you all should know that's an instant message). 

Remember my olive branch extension post? Well, it's much better extended face to face than via long, drawn out texts that an angry person can pick apart and interpret how they want. 

In a real conversation they can hear the tone of your voice and the sincerity in your voice as well; That's so hard to decipher in writing! It's basically impossible to get the real feel of what a person is saying in writing during instances like that.

This isn't about apologies today so let me not digress. 

We discussed how much we appreciate a man that is a good communicator. We talked about how important it is to keep in contact and how it shows us that you really have a sincere and genuine interest. 

A good morning text is great and no one is expecting daily phone calls from someone that we are just dating, and not dating seriously. However, hearing your voice on the other end of the phone from a surprise phone call is a welcome change from the norm. 

We know you are more than likely dating several women, and the good morning text that you send us could very well be copy and pasted. Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to come up with unique and exciting lines to woo me because that's not really sincere. Besides, you don't know enough about me to decipher how much I stand out from the other women. I do know this, if you don't take the chance and the opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone and actually open up a dialogue with me, you will never know that about me. That is plain and simple and cut and dry.

There should never be a time in our time on Earth, that we are comfortable with discussing something important or something that we deem of importance via text. It isn't a time if you want someone to take you seriously.

We were also discussing that we take the man who makes a valiant effort to call us on the phone and pick our brains and lets us pick theirs, ten times more seriously.

 You would be amazed at how many things get lost in translation when you send a text message! I have actually gotten into heated arguments with people because I thought they meant one thing they thought I meant another, and both of us totally and completely misunderstood everything the other person was saying. Now just imagine that occurring while you're trying to actually date a person. Versus you picking up the phone and actually talking things over with them you continue to send angry texts, silly emojis and acronyms like WTF? And FML!.

One of my friends is a great conversationalist! He's very smart, although he's humble about it. What I like most about speaking to him is that he will pick up the phone and call, and when he calls he actually has something of substance to say. I can pretty much pick any topic to discuss and he has a good amount of things to say on that topic.

Mind you, he is very busy; however he realizes that making the time to actually physically communicate via other forms than text messaging, makes much more of a difference in how I act and in how we interact. He really gets it.

When you have circumstances like that, a woman actually starts to compare and make her deductions. More than likely you will be subtracted from the equation. Even though we aren't trying to marry you, you want to give 'em something to talk about...literally!

He who texts, IMs, DMs and likes pictures on Instagram versus telling you personally how beautiful you are, may find himself by himself.

Why You Asking All These Questions?

Typically,  I tell people to mind their business. Why? Simply put, I am an open book. There's no need to be nosy because I have nothing to hide. Some things just aren't your business to know. I can be closed to certain things but I decided to step out of my comfort zone some.

Clearly,  I am a blogger. Bloggers typically are big mouth extroverts. I am NO different from the rest of them. I am of course referring to the non gossiping ones and the ones who write about celebs. I write about MY truths and MY experience.

I realize that while I might not  have a lot of traffic to this blog,  I have enough and people may have questions. So, I am about to be even more open.

Today I created an Ask.FM account. This was created so no assumptions are to be made when you can Simply ASK ME! It even lets you ask anonymously so you don't have to feel that pressure. Nothing is off limits so if you're reading this, ask away. I am honest to a fault so don't expect sugar coating.

Nothing and no one prompted me to write a questions blog.  I simply did.

I feel like I have to give a disclaimer because people are vain and they make EVERYTHING about them even though it's not.

So, here's how you can get to the meat and potatoes of me: Ask Tamisha ANYTHING here!

Extending The Olive Branch

I have a tendency to talk too much, be too blunt and speak too quickly in anger. It's a flaw I readily admit but haven't worked on quite enough. I also struggle with with being  humble and apologizing when I am wrong.

Blame it on my Aries traits, blame it on me being human, blame it on whatever you may. I blame myself. Being an Aries and a human just so happen to be a part of me. I digress.

My temper, my mouth and me being a writer are an extremely  bad combination sometimes. My tongue is as sharp as my pen. Granted, I am not a gossip columnist or an Entertainment blogger. These are my personal accounts of life and are all truth with no exaggeration. There may be lots of sarcasm but never slander.

That doesn't mean because what I said may be true that the way I worded it was right or the way I felt was expressed tactfully. It is, after all, my personal opinion on the situation I dealt with. 

Sometimes, I speak without having all tthe facts about why a situation occurred and I definitely write in haste.

One thing about me that a lot of people don't realize is I am sensitive and I have a heart of gold. I would give my last and I like to see people around me happy and make them happy.

When I wrong those people, I sincerely try to make it right. I extend the olive branch.

I can't force anyone to accept the apologies I extend. I can only offer it in hopes they can see my heart and know it's pure and that I am flawed.

If I wronged you, I publicly apologize. I meant no ill will. If you're in my life, it's because I invited you in and you belong there. I am glad to have you! 

If anyone doesn't accept that from me, thank you for being part of my life for the time you were there. You had a reason and a purpose, and I may not understand it now, but eventually I will. 

For now, I immediately feel the repercussions of doing something wrong to someone or talking too much. And that's a lesson I am learning and living with. I am not happy about it but I accept it. If I can dish it out, I can take it, even if it's taking a loss. You win some, you lose some. 

So, from the bottom of my heart, with pride swallowed and ego checked, I sincerely say, I am sorry.

Write Your Own Story

Happy New Year!
I don't have any resolutions for you. I am about to make changes because a blessing in the name of a JOB came my way. It just so happens that it's starting at the new year. I suck at resolutions. I have never, EVER kept a single one!
Changes can come at any time. It doesn't take us making it to a new year to do that. But you also have to remember sometimes changes require money, timing, and opportunity. For me, I needed all three to fall into place. By the grace of God, they have.
No, I didn't hit the lottery. God knows I wish I did. I just plan to grind hard and advance in my new position. Oh, it's nothing really fancy; I am doing Communications Operations II for Comcast. I am starting out in a higher position in the department than I originally realized. So to me, that's a great sign. I am sure you're Googling by now to see what I will be doing, my salary, etc.. but don't waste your time. I am not bragging about something that I consider a blessing. I am not bragging at all. I am just grateful. No matter how much I am making, I am about to make something from nothing! That's my whole point.
I always look at things as just getting by. I haven't put much thought into my dreams and talents. However, being out of work for four months, having to struggle, having to go without, facing dire circumstamces and being at the mercy of selfish people WITH a small child in tow can teach you an awful lot!
It taught me that talents wasted only affords you the opportunity to watch others use AND profit from theirs! 
It taught me that if you want it bad enough,you have to do it yourself. For example with me planning to open Mishy's Munchables© (I will discuss this in detail in another blog),I am literally going to have to teach myself everything! I don't have the resources for culinary school or cake art classes at the moment. This will NOT deter me from my dream. An acquaintance who bakes well gave words of encouragemwnt when she said I don't need all that and I can teach myself. That has stuck with me! When I look at her work, I am encouraged and impressed! She did all her learning on her own. She's a single mother as well and she works so she made no excuses for getting out there and doing what she dreamed! Here's her site: Sweets and Soirées
I have yet to order anything but her reviews through word of mouth are awesome! Aside from being a great person, she is a great cook! I am a huge fan of truffles and I heard hers are to die for!
Most people, and unfortunately I have to admit, black women,  don't support other black women, especially in the same business. I just don't operate that way. You have to give credit where credit is due. We have to put good karma out there to get it back! That is something I firmly believe.
I feel like my opportunities are endless. Of course, I have to get back on my feet but I don't plan on letting that sidetrack me. I am always writing someone else's story, it's high time I wrote my OWN!