She's my favorite girl! She was sweet, kind, endearing, sentimental, honest, caring, nurturing, a great cook, hospitable, Godfearing, and the best mother anyone could ask for. She was a great wife, mother, homemaker, sister, Aunt and cousin. You couldn't ask for better! We sent her off beautifully. Too bad some of the people she was kindest to weren't there to join in her homegoing celebration.
And her dying showed me a lot about people. It was people closest to her that didn't come to see her off and I am angry. I know people can't drop everything and life goes on. Some had valid reasons, others had no valid reason to me. If you're sick, injured, had a major life event (marriage, graduation, a birth) or one of your family members was, I get it. But my momma was a beautiful lady who was selfless and the best friend anyone could ask for. That wasn't based on convenience, that was from her heart. So, that should have been returned to her in death as well. I am not firing shots, my momma wouldn't want that, but my momma knows I don't bite my tongue and I am gonna keep it 100. I learned that by watching her be honest my entire life. But that's not my cross to bear, I will let that be theirs.
I appreciated those who went out of their way. She would have done the same. I can't thank them enough. They were Godsends in our greatest time of need. And I won't forget the good they did and continue to do.
My mother's passing showed me a lot about people close to me outside my family and I see things a lot clearer than before. It puts things into perspective for me. And it makes me take off my blinders, take people off pedestals and rethink my strategy. I know the woman my mother taught me I should be to make a good woman. That I am, and if it's not reciprocal, then it's time to let the chips fall where they may. It is what it is.
My mother's demise is going to make me grind harder, strive to be a better mother, finish these degrees and stick to my pursuit of my dreams. To be like her would be an honor.
I had my differences with her at times but never fell out with her. We didn't see eye to eye on everything but parents and adult children often don't. But at the end of the day, I loved that lady and that lady loved me. And it showed to the end. As sick and weak as she was near her last days, she stood and gave me the biggest hug and I needed that. I really needed that from her. She must have sensed it. I am glad she was able to before she passed. I will always carry that with me as I will carry all the life lessons she taught me. She was my comforter, my best friend, my idol and my role model. She was my mom for my 40 (she deserved 40 times as many years) years on Earth but will forever be my mom in Heaven.
Sleep in peace my Angel, Mrs. Neta Bertha Bell Scruggs, you will be forever loved and forever missed!
