Outgrowing Your Own Bull----

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Outgrowing Your Own Bull----

We have to be real with ourselves amd know when we're wallowing in sh!+

https://youtu.be/izLeimHyjmc

Coming to My Senses

So just the other day I was talking to my best friend about lack of communication from guys that we date. I was telling her that they don't realize how much time they give us to think when they disappear and don't reach out to us for days. Trust me, we have a lot of time to process things!

Now, you are probably saying that it also gives us time to over analyze things as well, and this is true. 

However, if the lines of communication were open, we would have a crystal clear picture of how the guy feels, what he's thinking and won't be left guessing.

The time that the guy disappears also gives us time to come to our senses.

We know that nothing short of bodily injury, and sometimes even that, will keep a man from contacting a woman he is truly interested in. 

There aren't enough blogs,  vlogs, and everything in between, from men themselves, verifying that. 

But damn all that; it's clear!

It's not rocket science,  chemistry or geometry. It's rather simple; when he wants to be in touch with you he will! 

Now, ladies,  a lot of you are guilty of letting them get missing and then going for their excuses when they pop back up.

I am guilty of this. 

There comes a time on your life,  when you reach a certain age,  where that's not acceptable.

I'm 42. I don't date ANYONE who is not fully aware that communication is key in any developing or developed relationship. Whether they take heed to that determines if they are allowed to stay in my space.

I don't care how much I like you,  if you make excuse after excuse for not communicating, I am gone. 

The thing about that is, you're communicating with SOMEONE,  it's just not me!

I'm cool with not being "the one". I'm not cool with a man not being 100 about me not being the one! 

Building up false ass hope with sporadic texts doesn't work for very long. As I stated, we come to our senses in your absence. 

I'm not perfect  but I'm a dope ass chick.

You're probably saying, "If you're so dope,  why are you single?"

Honestly, I wish I knew. 

You can gather by my past blogs though,  I haven't met any stellar gentleman that I ran off with my bluntness and my straight forward, Aries personality. I just haven't met any stellar gentlemen AT ALL! 

I have faith that they are still out there so I keep trying.  

I need to branch out in where I am meeting them however (clearly,  online dating is a huge failure).

I am on Meet Up but as confident and outgoing as I am,  I haven't mustered up the courage to go to one. I have valid excuses at the moment (a wrecked car and an injured right leg are pretty good reasons). 

My recent car accident and injury knocked some sense into me about the men in my midst. When times like this are upon you,  you see who is there for you when you need them mentally, emotionally and physically. 

No excuse will validate someone not at least communicating to see if you're still breathing at a time like that! 

I was literally run over by my car and when I tell you not one man in my midst was there for me mentally,  emotionally or phsycially, I do not exaggerate!

I was off for a week and could barely walk and I was isolated and alone. Oh,  add to that,  I don't have a legally driveable car so THAT was when I needed the most help I EVER needed. 

It gave me time to think,  it gave me time to process and it have me time to reevaluate.

Why isn't anyone calling to ask how I really feel?  Do they realize I could have died? Do they realize I'm shaken to my core? Do they realize how painful it is for a 2 ton vehicle to run over your body? Do they realize I just lost my ONLY means of transportation and I have a kid I am a single mom to?

Do they realize how expensive Uber and car rentals are? 

So many question went through my mind. 

While it's not their responsiblity, it's mine, there is also knowing that when someone cares about you,  they help when they can. Rather that be mentally,  emotionally,  financially or physically,  they do what they can because they care and they want you to know it beyond a shadow of a doubt.

It opened up so many revelations for me. I just saw the truth for what it is even though I asked for the truth straight out. 

It put so many things into perspective for me.

I realized that I had clouded vision, I realized I wasn't thinking clearly and most importantly it made me come to my senses. 

Consistenly Inconsistent

Inner-resting ...this came from a male.

*raises hands in surrender* 

Don't shoot the messenger, fellas! I am only quoting one of YOUR counterparts. I do, however, completely agree.

As always, I was discussing things with one of my best friends, who is also dating, and this was something we both stated we despised. She told me to tell y'all, "What she said!" In reference to this posting since she's agreeing with me.

If there is one things women in any relationship hate is inconsistency! Let us define it for those who know not what they do.

inconsistency

[in-kuh n-sis-tuh n-see] 

noun, plural inconsistencies for 2.

1.

the quality or condition of being inconsistent.

2.

an inconsistent thing, action,remark, etc.

What stands out so much to me here is inconsistent action. Therein lies the problem! Inconsistency is hands down thee number one issue a lot of women I have spoken to about dating have complaints about! It goes hand in hand with the complaint about the art of conversation being lost.

I, for one cannot stand it when a man shifts gears back and forth. It makes me hesitant to take them seriously, hesitant to trust them and most certainly hesitant to commit to them. No woman walking this Earth has ever jumped to say she wants to hubby up an inconsistent man. Not one.
An inconsistent man speaks multitudes about other issues in his life.

He most definitely runs the risk of being inconsistent in other areas of importance.

For example, an inconsistent man poses a threat of being the type of man who can't consistently keep a job, pay the bills or keep food on the table.

These are basic everyday things in life.

A man who is not consistent in how he communicates or how frequently he communicates is another sore spot. Sporadic calls, random texts, or an lol under our pics doesn't mean you  are consistent in communication just because you do it all the time.

If communication, which is a huge part of how we make it through life, is a problem, how can he hold down a solid relationship with a decent woman? 

Inconsistency is a surefire sign to women that they are being strung along as well. Going back and forth from one behavior and emotion to another certainly doesn't make a woman feel secure or have confidence that a man is being 100 with them. From my personal experience, this has ALWAYS been the case.

If he knows exactly what he wants today, then he should want the same thing tomorrow whether that's good or bad. The problem with inconsistency is you never know WHAT the man really wants and at any given time it can switch up. I can only equate it to walking a tightrope on a gusty day, and while you have a safety net, it has holes in various spots throughout it.

Some of these guys are really great guys who are smart and have great personalities. You want to giv. them chances, butg the emotional roller coasters and merry-go-rounds are too much! No one wants to be taken for a ride. At some point when women see they are on one, they are going to want to get off no matter how much they like the ride operator. 

Fellas,  good or bad, we appreciate knowing one way or the other. We just respect the truth. Period. 

Women take a chance and lay it on the line for you guys all the time. It's high time you started reciprocating. I know I have put my feelings out there, and it's not always been the result I wanted but it beat the back and forth that inconsistency causes.

Fellas, women have been through worse and bounced back. If you're not feeling us, it may sting momentarily but it's much better than finding out much later.

Women truly do appreciate solidity. Would you prefer a strong foundation to stand on or shaky ground? Which would YOU choose? 

Now let's define consistent for those who DO know what they are doing.

Consistent

con·sist·ent

kənˈsistənt/

adjective

(of a person, behavior, or process) unchanging in achievement or effect over a period of time.

synonyms: constant, regular, uniform, steady, stable, even, unchanging, undeviating, unfluctuating; More

compatible or in agreement with something

synonyms: compatible with, congruous with, consonant with, in tune with, in line with, reconcilable with; not containing any logical contradictions.

What stood out for me here was:  constant, regular, uniform, steady, stable, even, unchanging, undeviating, unfluctuating; and in tune with, in line with, reconcilable with; not containing any logical contradictions.

No contradictions. Unchanging. Unfluctuating. Stable. Constant. 

If you ask any woman she would pick at least two of those adjectives to describe what she looks for in a relationship. If your behavior doesn't dictate any of these things, fellas, you're doing it wrong!