deal-break·er
noun
plural noun: dealbreakers
- (in business and politics) a factor or issue that, if unresolved during negotiations, would cause one party to withdraw from a deal.
I know I was supposed to speak on my current situationship but frankly, I am not sure I am ready to reveal my love life in full detail. I am pretty open but I retain the right to be private as much as I retain the right to speak on things that happen in my love life, as it's part of MY life.
I am not really the type to ask for the world. As a matter of fact, all who I ever dated can attest to the fact that I don't ask for much at all.
Like every man or woman, I DO have my dealbreakers. I have made exceptions for ones I should not have in the name of love far too many times, I am not ashamed to say that. I DO know that going forward I will never compromise those again.
It just seems in doing so, the respect I deserved was NEVER given, despite being earned.
They took advantage of my forgiving nature and it afforded them opportunities to test me time and time again.
What sucks is, I believed they were good natured people and they would not purposely hurt me. So I excused the behavior.
However being good natured is effortless. Picking and choosing when you want to be that way is disingenuine. It shows me that they only do it when it is something in it for them. That's a really selfish act.
I can't be selfless and get nothing in return. I would be a plum fool.
I have a big heart and I do things from my heart. It's hard for me to not care and want to treat people how I want to be treated.
I realize some people have no conscience.
My deal breakers are no longer compromisable.
These are MY dealbreakers:
Lying:
If you lie, I can't and won't deal with you.
Lying wold entail: Anything regarding relationship statuses, your intent of the relationship between us in the present and future, your employment status (Just because you want to be President you can't go around saying you are under the guise of speaking things into existence!), etc..
Callousness:
If you KNOW I am in a bind and you ignore it, you are not part of my life as a man. It's NOTHING worse than being stuck on the side of the road and you can't even rely on the person that's laying in your bed every night to come help you out.
Under this category falls when you don't care about my feelings in general.
This is when you do something foul, issue a sorry apology (often being done several times over a course of time) and basically expect me to get over it.
I.E. My birthday is big deal to me, like most people,
This year was the first one I celebrated since my mom died last year. She made big deals out of our birthdays,
While I don't expect others to, if you plan something nice for me, I expect you to keep your word.
Plans were made for me that were not only NOT kept but the person told me to get over it. I found out the day of, had packed my bags for two days get away and I proceeded to act as if it was no big deal.
They basically told me to deal with the shit or get the fuck out their crib. It was my BIRTHDAY! I was crying on what should have been a really great weekend for me.
Well, 8 months later, while I don't hold a grudge, I am NOT over it. I am still hurt behind it. I forgave but I did not forget. I can't say that would be the kind of hurt you would forget.
I would NEVER do that to someone. It's cruel, it's mean and well, CALLOUS!
Disrespect:
Being mean spirited and trying to humble me is another part of being callous.
I am not walking around acting like I am all that. I hold my head up and have certain standards because I was raised that way.
I DO expect some sort of chilvary and for him to be a gentleman to me!
I.E. For my door to be opened to cars and buildings. I am a lady and I carry myself that way with my man and away from him. I represent him and I don't do things to embarrass him or emasculate him. So, opening my door should be a given. It's a requirement.
I should never have to feel embarassed because the person I am dealing with allows me to walk to their car, with other women and men around looking at me and open my OWN door! It's humiliating! I just feel strongly about it,
Calling me out of my name, cursing me out, any violence of any kind....DEALBREAKERS!
Indecisiveness:
Please know exactly what you want. If it's not me, stop faking it! Keep it 100! All of us have been let down at some point. I am 41! I have NOT gotten everyone I ever wanted. I have been rejected. I can handle it. What I can't handle being strung along because you want to keep me on board until you find the better option, or on YOUR timeline for when you want to settle down.
I am not a toy, a puppet or call girl.
And please don't say you don't want a relationship then act like you do when I want to leave or when you want a temporary woman. I am not a bedwarmer either.
Secrecy:
I don't know ANY of your friends, family, where you work or where you live and it's been months?! DEALBREAKER!
Okay so maybe not the family, but damn, your friends? To me, if I am being hidden, I'm a jump off, so I'mma jump off the crazy train and be out!
Communication:
I don't have to talk to you fifty times a day. However, texts and IMs aren't enough. Not EVERYTHING is meant to be discussed on text or IM. You can't tell someone's tone via texts. It's easy to misterpret. Too easy!
I can't stand a man who can't express himself with words, who speaks in codes and beats around the bush. That's a CHILD, that's not a man!
So many issues can be fixed with clear communication. So many misunderstandings can be cleared up. It makes room for bonds to grow stronger and trust to be built.
I am not as complicated as I am made to be by people who don't want to do the work. ANY relationship takes work. If you want it, you do it. If you don't, you lose it. It's just THAT simple! There's no secret recipe or special formula for me. I just want honesty, respect, loyalty, trust communication and someone to hold me down like I hold them down. I don't mind building with someone. I don't have it all but I am growing and I want someone willing to grow with me as well. I deserve that much. I deserve THAT much and then some.
I had quite a year. I hope this next one is my best one yet! I am ready for whatever it brings and I welcome it!
I hope that 2016 brings you love and light, peace and prosperity, health and happiness.
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
