Little Girl Lost

I HATE when I get like this! Well, in actuality, I have been like this for a while, hence me not blogging much. I am super unsure WHERE my life is taking me right now. Completely. Now please don't call me a heathen, or judge me when I say what I am about to say; I haven't prayed over this situation at all recently. It's not that I have lost faith in God or anything but he HAS to be working on me because I am completely LOST! I know its not right to question him but when I look at how things go well for people who don't deserve it and I do right and work hard and come up empty, I have to wonder. I am just being honest. I suppose when I use the brain he blessed me with and get back in school like I have been talking about for AGES, I will have some sense of direction. But there are so many aspects of my life I feel are completely blank. Like my love life and wanting companionship leading to marriage, or my career (which ties back into school), me wanting to move back to my home to Miami, AND me wanting to have myself financially set for mine and my daughter's sake (again, this ties back to school).
I have to find myself. No, I am not going on some crazy ass journey to find myself and me cutting my hair had nothing to do with that AT ALL! Remember, I am NOT my hair! I blogged about that here before. But it isn't about me anymore; I have someone else who depends on me and I need to make sure her life is smooth and easy like my parents did for me when they had to care for me.
I have talents I have talked about for ages, some of you have seen suttle glimpses of them. Some of you all have seen full glimpses of them. However you all should have gathered by now that I am a writer.
Writing has been in me since I could remember. At the age of 12 I was writing raps and poetry. So this skill has been being honed for decades. But here it comes back to me being lost. I have drive and ambition and I sit on it just as I do my writing talents. So, in essence, its not doing me a lick of good! And I need to step up, grow up, and show up!
Yes, we all say, we are grown and technically we are, but I am woman enough to say I need to grow up, See, growing and growing up are two totally different things. And until I can be where I want in life, where I personally feel I should be, and doing EXACTLY what I am destined to do I have not grown up.
Due to some bad personal choices, I have stunted my growth. But I have no one to blame for MY bad choices. Some HUGE blessings have come out of those choices, such as my beautiful child!
But its time to take charge and my my life how I want it to be. Feeling sorry for myself is not the answer anymore. Being angry at myself is not it either. Doing what I think I should do but what I dream of doing, is my choice to make. And I am making that choice. When I want to do something I put my mind to it and I accomplish a lot. And that had never failed me in the past. And I shall do it again. I have very important reasons to do so.
I am going to pack a cooler, map out my route and drive to my destiny. I am not going to get lost this time..because I am found!