Being Deemed Good is Subjective AF!

I am here to tell you that everybody that y’all deem good, ain’t! That is definitely something that is subjective as fuck! Some of these people are so narcissistic, they are breadcrummbers, and they are gaslighters . 

However, this ain’t about that! Take a listen and see what I’m talking about!

Being Deemed Good is Subjective AF

You can find me everywhere on social media by clicking here!: https://linktr.ee/empressivewynn

Also I released my first urban fiction novel! You can grab your digital copy on one of the links below!

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I want to recommend my re-released first digital book at Amazon.com

Cadence & Quadir's Miami Love Story by Amazon.com Services LLC Learn more: https://www.amazon.com/dp/B088J6F64W/ref=cm_sw_em_r_mt_dp_U_JJ1UEbZQ2E9QB

Also find it in other formats on Smashwords: 

https://www.smashwords.com/books/view/1021670

Support To Help My Channel Grow is Always Appreciated!

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Thinking Back, Looking Ahead: 2017 Year End Review

Basically, this last blog of 2017 will be the list of things I feel I learned or grew from.

My life is serene but serenity doesn't mean nothing is going on nor does it mean my life is fulfilled.

I am content but in the New Year, I plan to get all out of my comfort zone.

I have been in my safe place for far too long.

For now, I will go over some of the things that made my 2017 what it was.

• First, I lost 105 pounds! - After my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, I shed 105. I had to change my eating by force and I worked out. I did well! If I never lose another pound, I will be content. I lost a significant amount of weight and I am happy! I DEFINITELY plan to continue on this journey in life from 2018 and beyond!
• God is Good - All the time; all the time God is good! I found a new church home! I love it! It gives me a sense of peace and I actually LOVE going! It took me a long time to get back in touch with God and I am glad I did! I know my momma is smiling down on me!
• One Hot Momma - I am still parenting alone. Yes, the door of co-parenting is wide open but I cannot MAKE anyone do anything that is not in their heart. Anyone can say they love a child but if you are not building bonds with that child and making sure that child needs are met emotionally, mentally, physically and financially, your love is conditional. I love my child unconditionally! Period! 
• I started dating again - I am taking my time. I have not met anybody significant, Hell, I haven't even been on a date!  A LOT of these dudes in Atlanta play too many games. However, I know I asked God for a soulmate and I have NO DOUBT he will deliver. I was specific in my prayers and I am working on being the perfect soulmate for him, whoever he may be. I will NOT lower my standards, I will NOT settle and nothing anyone says will EVER make me question my worth SIMPLY because I am single. It's far too many people who think it's okay to bash a woman for it, act like everything she is discontent about reverts back to her singleness and that her main focus is getting a man. That's ignorance and narrow-mindedness and it REALLY HAS TO STOP! Who God has for me is for me and when he sends him, I will know!
• Work, Werk, Wurq, Wurk - I decided to make a career out of my job. This means I am looking to move around the company and I found a home there. I am pursuing higher positions and perfecting my current skill set to be able to advance easily.
• Moving Mountains - Someone told me that if they were me they would be in a panic because I am not making the money THEY feel I should.. Funny, they make a lot but it seems they have nothing to show for it. I am not going to panic when I have plans set in motion to advance. I will NOT panic when I trust in God and put it in his hands. He has taken seen me through the worst (losing my momma was the worst thing I ever felt!) and I came out UNSCATHED! I trust His will and no matter whatever else I go through I KNOW GOD GOT ME!

So in a short nutshell, that was my 2017! I am sure I missed a few things but those were THEE most significant things I learned and grew from. Life is a road and I plan to travel down that road as I please, how I please and at the pace I please! 

Happy New Year! #2018andbeyond

Chunky

I discuss being chunky even after weight loss surgery and my new faded cut

Year End Review: 2016

Oh crap! 
I really almost forgot to post this! 
I wanted to go over my year and how it went but I'm wondering if it's really necessary. 
Honestly, not much changed and I didn't make nearly as much progress as I wanted until the final hour. 
That's keeping it all the way real. 
I didn't get a big promotion I wanted,  I didn't get published like I wanted (I'm still waiting on responses from that), I lost my car to an accident and have a scarred wound as a result. 
I am still single and I'm not searching. 
I don't even have an interest in that because I'm not happy with me so how can I be happy with another? 
Other than that; my life stood still.
However, I am not happy about it and I do not even begin to act like I am. 
I am not miserable. 
Don't get it twisted. 
I love being alive but I want to LIVE! 
Change is not in my words; it's in my actions. 
Resolutions? 
They are not for me. 
Praying for guidance, working my way around obstacles and stepping out on a limb are right up my alley. 
I don't need a new year to make that happen. Changes like that are constant! 
I will say that I finally did something about my weight. 
I had gastric sleeve surgery on December 15th. 
I am struggling with protein intake, keeping food down and on a strict liquid diet. 
So before anyone states the, "You took the easy way out." Stop yourself. 
This...is..HARD! 
At 359 pounds, there's no easy way out of anything. Know this! 
I've lost 30 pounds to date. 
It's a work in progress. 
I also am reenrolling in school. 
My future looks so bleak without a higher degree. The one I have won't suffice in today's world. Times have changed and I need to adapt. 
I was in tears at the thought of this struggle being my life. 
I can't do it anymore.
God didn't intend this for me. 
God has better plans for me. 
God helps those who help themselves. 
So, I'm doing just that.
So I'm going to study hard,  bust my ass, lose sleep, miss out on fun just to ensure I can enjoy the pleasures in life forever and make sure to set an example for my beautiful little girl. 
Co-habitating with family is not what I imagined. 
Yes, adults all need their own space but some families make it work cuz they love each other. 
I have one family member that doesn't think this way. 
There's no dramatics to speak of,  no threats or anything of that sort but my intuition never lies. 
Some people don't value family and the closeness of family even though we weren't raised that way. 
My mother would be so disappointed but I have to say myself and my sibling I'm closest to are definitely making my mother proud!
We are loving, caring genuinely and we talk almost daily to keep our bond tight. 
We don't speak out of obligation. It's real and heartfelt. 
It's no shade but I call a spade a spade. 
It used to be so hurtful but I am surrounded by very loving people in other areas of life so it balances out.
I'm good! 
So, in the Spring my daughter and I will be moving out on our own so we can breathe and have our space and feel at home. 
It's going to be hard but it's what needs to happen for my peace of mind and hers. 
I will pray for my family to be blessed regardless and that God works on their heart and spirit. 
I won't claim 2017 as "my year" as many have. That's not knocking those who do either. 
How can I claim it when so many others are accomplishing so much as well. 
Every year on Earth has to be "my year" because God blessed me to see it! 
So, I say Happy New Year!  
Be blessed, live your dreams and prosper! 

All She Ever Wanted Was a Real One

Can I be frank for a moment?

I do not like Atlanta. 
Yeah, I live here but let me just say this is not the "mecca" they claim it is! The majority of Black people here do NOT help each other! They look out for whoever they think can further them but God forbid they help someone reach a higher level out of the kindness of their heart! We'll NEVER get ahead as a people like this! EVER!

I am disappointed by this.

Some of the white ones look down on "us" way too much to be so cocky. It's 2016! I grew up with more, knowing more and exposed to more than half of them. I am educated and well spoken as were/are my parents. I am NOT a dumb Negro! I am African-American and I am a threat but not physically; my brain and mind-set tell my story. I am angered by this.

What I am really disheartened by is the dating scene!
The dating scene here in Atlanta has these dudes heads super swollen cuz they see quantity but aren't seeking quality.

They just see numbers and they lose it!

They feel a car, a decent job and their own place makes the a supreme catch.

Gtfoh, grown ass man, you're SUPPOSED to have that! That shit doesn't make you God's gift to women! You're doing shit normal men do! I am NOT impressed!

I am impressed by loyalty (this falls in line with honesty and monogamy), when they are family oriented, don't have fear of commitment, practise the three Ps: profess (professing to the world their love and devotion to me), protect (there should be no way a man I'm with should let anyone day or do anything foul to me. Considering, I don't want a thug nor do I ask for drama, cause drama or tolerate drama; if it comes my way it's unwarranted. I don't want a dude shrugging his shoulders and letting me know he could give two shits about my well being. I can't check a man the way another man can) and provide (this doesn't mean you have to pay my bills but possess the ability and willingness to do so. Nothing sucks worse than having a need and a man who puts his dick in you but can't put money in your hands when you really need it),  someone with a sense of adventure and a sense of humor, decent conversation, and who can encourage me in spirituality and marriage minded. THAT'S impressive to me!

My ass is phat/fat even though I am fat and my boobs are big. My stomach is flat when I lay down just like everyone else's (a BBW lover once told me he doesn't care about stomachs cuz they are all flat laying down. I thought it was hilarious but made perfectly logical sense. It never stopped me from gettin' busy!) so I don't have body image issues affecting my confidence. So I don't care about or worry about competing with all the video girl shaped chicks running around here (they aren't fairing much better BTW). I am feminine and fly. I smell pretty and look pretty.  You would think that counted for something but it doesn't seem to.

They also seem to think their above average sized phallus is enough. Well, I can tell you, it isn't! 

All they see is  the opportunity to prey on women, good women, and move on to the next victim.

I am nobody's victim! 
I won't ever accept  that and won't settle for it. I am almost 42, I'm not for the children's games. I don't have the patience for it in any capacity. 

I have not experienced this anywhere EXCEPT here!

That ratio of men to women here has these dudes thinking they have it made! 

They probably do but they should take into consideration that while Atlanta is big, at the same time it's rather small. Just like women come here, they can leave here. Women also talk. Even a nobody knows SOMEBODY!

And then there's ALWAYS white men (when I mentioned white people who are judging earlier, I did say SOME remember?)

Yeah, they not sleeping on us just cuz you are. They aren't MY cup of tea but never say never. That ratio works two ways. When shortages occur people find other resources.

I don't know what happened in this "black mecca" that they stopped being a king looking for a queen (ONE queen) and looking to have many wives (and they ain't hardly looking for marriage). 

I'm and old school chick with old school values. I will never accept these new fangled dating rules.

I deserve better and I require better.

I can see my time here in Atlanta coming to an end very soon. I have  things I am working on here first. Then I'm out!

I said the only thing that would keep me here is love. Not just any love either. The put-a-ring-on-it-two-and-a-half-kids-and-a-dog-white-picket-fence kinda love. If God has my soulmate looking for me, He better work fast because I am ret tah go! 

Until then I'll keep my toes dipped in the dating pool and put on my fuckboy blockers; it is certainly no shortage of those!

If you're in the same pool, utilize your life preservers (prophylactics) and only trust the lifeguards (the true good guys and not the ones dressed up as good guys).

Just a Quick Note

One of my good guy friends, that I talk to about everything, told me to read this book. I don't want to Think like a Man. I am a woman. I was raised with my married parents and saw how a woman should be treated and how a woman should treat her man. He explained, I saw AFTER the courtship. I came along AFTER my dad courted and married my mom. I need to learn about the process before and not just by what my parents taught me about how a man should treat me. I need to look at it through more than one view.
So, I am reading this. I read for entertainment and I read to learn/gain information. I am reading this one to learn.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition, Steve Harvey.
 https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=ZxHSAgAAQBAJ

Lady of Convenience

lady of convenience

A woman that is taken to events, paraded around as a girlfriend, and screwed when the male needs it. She is convenient until something better comes along and the male is not committed. She is similar to an escort.

I am not built for that shit! I am just not about that life! 

I require more. I don't require a lot but I DO require more!

I really don't want to be in that type of situationship at 41. 41 will turn into 45, 45 will be 50 and then you'll have a hard time settling down and just have to settle.

I have much higher standards than being anyone's lady of convenience.

I want the white picket fence, two and a half kids and a dog. I deserve that.
While I don't want it now, I want it eventually. 

These types of relationships are ALWAYS for the benefit of the man. The woman is usually totally unaware, being mislead and/or he pretends he "wants to take things slow". She NEVER gets the full truth until she figures it out by herself OR by mistake (You know guys are NEVER as slick as they THINK are!).

If they do tell you what's up, it's ALWAYS sent with mixed messages and mixed signals until you ask for a commitment. Then they backpedal and remind you how they didn't want a relationship and the vicious cycle keeps repeating itself. 

They (society) like to harp on age for women. A lot! For some things I harp on age too. They say we have less energy after 40. I know they HAVE to mean mental energy as well because I don't have the energy for fruitless relationships at this point in my life. Whether it be career, friendships, familial or otherwise personal. As Sweet Brown said, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

I don't want to be a piece to any man, I want to be his everything. A lady of convenience gets whatever that man has to give. It's usually only enough to satisfy her momentarily so she'll shut up.

I can admit I tried to get through to men like this before. I mean I went HARD!

I did everything a woman should with no title.

As a matter of fact, I spent 11 months of my life doing so before.

That was ample time to get a feel of what a lady of convenience goes through.

My experience was far less than stellar.

I, unfortunately, was being the type of woman who was hardheaded and didn't listen to the many instances of being told he wasn't ready. I take full ownership of that.

Often ladies of convenience see that shift in attitude when they are ready to leave that makes them question if they are being patient enough.

He's being extra loving, sweet and caring to you. He's "acting" like your dude but trust me, he is NOT!

I experienced this OFTEN.

I got the talks about future plans, questioned about how I would treat my man (as if I wasn't showing him that already); this had me thinking he was ready to make this official...That was a pipe dream being sold. I was even told about events that couples would frequent, that we NEVER made it to! 

Granted, I do not feel he took someone else, him not taking me was enough of a jab.

He just wasn't into me. I even called him on that numerous times. I just got a beat around the bush answer when I confronted him..every time.

I felt it in my gut. I just didn't go with it. I take responsibility for that as well. ALWAYS go with your gut. I addressed that in my post here:

Trust In Your Decisions

I can't waste my time ever doing that again!

Ladies, I don't suggest you do it either.

It's a hurtful, lonely, disappointing situation to be in and it can be avoided.

Being a good woman won't make a man who is not ready change for you. I felt like I couldn't show all my love and I held back in numerous ways because I could sense that he wasn't giving me all of him.

That's a bad feeling, to feel like you can't be free to love him totally. You know he's not allowing himself to do the same, or trusting you with his heart. Why would I risk what he wouldn't?

The shit we see in the movies doesn't happen for girls like me, unfortunately. I live in a very real, and sometimes cruel, world.

Trust me, I waited for that change in him to happen and it never did.

When they say it's not you, believe that it isn't!

Do yourself a favor and move on and quickly.

The longer you have someone occupying that space is the longer your soulmate is being kept away from you.

How can the right man come in when the wrong man is in the way?

He's waiting and watching and you will be his PRIORITY.

I am really not going through these changes in 2016 or beyond. I deserve what I have to give, I have standards, certain things are deal breakers and I won't compromise myself ever again for them. 

I have more love and respect for myself to ever do THAT again! We have to love and respect ourselves and never let anyone make us deviate from that for ANY reason,

Not for their love, not for their attention, and certainly not for THEIR convenience.

Can You Be More Specific?

*Names have been omitted because we don't BOTH need to be douches*

Let me start off by saying,  I DON'T think I am everyone's cup of tea. That's not realistic to think I would be. However, if you give a description of what you like (of course, this is in reference to online/blind dating)  and I fit that description, of COURSE I will think we may be compatible!  What person in their right mind wouldn't? Notice I said might. I say might because there are so many variables to our personalities, we can't assume a base make up of us can give way to the complexities of us. Again, it's not realistic.

If we're talking and connecting and then you describe what you want, that person...okay, I, will no doubt think I have a shot in the dark.

Clearly, there is much more than what is being said. People are afraid to look shallow by stating exactly what they want. The catch to that is, you appear even MORE shallow when you blow them off after getting a picture or by not responding AT ALL! 

There are a few things wrong in that equation and not being specific enough can cause a problem.

Point and case, the conversation I saved from above happened a while back (disregard the three days ago) and I knew I would want to address it so I saved it. You all know by now my blog postings are random and my busy life (and Aries procrastinating)  don't allow me to post as often as I should. 

I digress. The gentleman above described me (well, what he wanted which IS me!) and asked for pictures. I, not being shy when I am comfortable enough, will share face and body pictures. I am not trying to hide or have anyone be surprised by me being a BBW. I sent the pics as requested. I am still waiting for a response (No, I'm not really, but you understand my sarcasm).

Over the years I have discovered when using the term BBW, there's levels to this shit. I, to this day don't get it, but I get it. I have been called: thick, fat, phat, BBW, super sized BBW (to me that's stupid because I am a big, beautiful woman period. And I guess that's some man's way of saying, "She's not a size 12 like the BBW models, she's more like a size 18, homie!). I just know I am big, I am beautiful and very much a woman. When you say, "Not into skinny women." The opposite of that is fat! My headshots don't even look like I am anything less than fat so I don't Catfish with headshots like they claim BBWs do. I look like a BBW! However, you won't get Jill Scott BBW, I am more Mo'Nique when she was on the Parker's BBW. If you meant Jill and get something else, IT COULD HAVE BEEN AVOIDED HAD YOU BEEN MORE SPECIFIC! Women turn down men we are not attracted to, politely, DAILY!  

I won't ever go in on a dude for that. Ever. I won't hold a grudge or cry about it. I DO feel some type of way about him not ever replying though. It's just...RUDE!

I am not the average sized woman. That's no secret. Me being smart, ladylike, having my ducks in a row AND attractive isn't either! I AM someone you can take home to momma. Even with odds against me for being a single mother, I am a catch.

I am smart, witty, confident, self-sufficent, black and I am NOT skinny ..if that's what you're actually into and not just saying you are.

I am not for closeted BBW lovers. I won't be a secret, be hidden from your friends and family or be the side chick. I won't be punished emotionally or abused mentally for being a BBW. If you are uncomfortable being seen with me, I promise you will never have to. I'll ensure you won't ever see me again. I am fine with that. C'est la vie!

You might win some but you just lost one...

Why You Asking All These Questions?

Typically,  I tell people to mind their business. Why? Simply put, I am an open book. There's no need to be nosy because I have nothing to hide. Some things just aren't your business to know. I can be closed to certain things but I decided to step out of my comfort zone some.

Clearly,  I am a blogger. Bloggers typically are big mouth extroverts. I am NO different from the rest of them. I am of course referring to the non gossiping ones and the ones who write about celebs. I write about MY truths and MY experience.

I realize that while I might not  have a lot of traffic to this blog,  I have enough and people may have questions. So, I am about to be even more open.

Today I created an Ask.FM account. This was created so no assumptions are to be made when you can Simply ASK ME! It even lets you ask anonymously so you don't have to feel that pressure. Nothing is off limits so if you're reading this, ask away. I am honest to a fault so don't expect sugar coating.

Nothing and no one prompted me to write a questions blog.  I simply did.

I feel like I have to give a disclaimer because people are vain and they make EVERYTHING about them even though it's not.

So, here's how you can get to the meat and potatoes of me: Ask Tamisha ANYTHING here!

I'mma 3-0-5 Peach!

I'm a 3-0-5 Peach now!: http://youtu.be/uEnAEQnESVg