Never Forget Your Worth!

Being single & dating is super hard!

Single women don’t want to be embarrassed in front of their friends anymore than a woman who’s in a relationship does!

We don’t want to have only adventures of sex to tell our friends! 

We want to talk about how you came in & brought us some flowers, took us out, how you try to get to know our heart, how you love us just when we are, that you have your own mind and that you take us just how we are.

We want to build with someone,  love someone unconditionally, hold down &  be held down, ALL THAT! 

We are humans with feelings too & people need to remember we sre not these heartless, emotionless,  "crazy", lonely people they peg us as!

Y'all better stop acting like it's something wrong with us, we're expecting too much and needing too much before you miss your blessing!  

You can definitely switch gears with someone who you allowed to do things you usually don’t tolerate.

Don’t let anybody tell you something like, “That's not how we were in the beginning so why are you trying to switch up now?”

The answer to that is you let them try you long enough! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Sometimes we try to compromise because we feel like we’re being unreasonable with our requests and because we really love somebody,  but never second-guess your own judgment. 

Dealbreakers are just that; dealbreakers.!

Don't let somebody tell you that you don’t deserve the best treatment because you don’t look a certain way, or because you don’t do things exactly the way they want you to all the time, or you don't allow them to treat you a certain types of way, or for any reason!

Demand the best because you deserve the best!

Swapping Adjectives

All too often when a woman,  especially a Black woman,  expresses her discontent with something,  we are saddled with the word bitter.
This is especially true of unwed, single mothers in my age group.
It's like we aren't free to express our dissatisfaction with ANYTHING or ANYONE,  especially the brothas,  without wearing that label.
That is an ill-conceived notion.
I honestly don't know a group of women who have had a tougher time in life than the Black woman.
That's nor to discredit white women and other women of color.
That's NOT what I'm saying by any means.
I can't speak on any other experiences other than that of a Black woman because that's what I am.
However,  I do know what I see.
One stark example that we're STILL NOT considered equal would be the fact that we're THEE MOST educated group yet if our resume has a name like Tamisha versus Jennifer (yes, I know several Black Jennifers),  guess who's more than likely getting called back first,  despite the résumé's content?
I've seen positions I qualified for be filled by white women with nothing going on upstairs when I wasn't even interviewed.
No,  I'm NOT paranoid;  this is STILL happening to this day!
However,  that's one example and honestly it's NOT what prompts people to call us bitter.
You know what does prompt that?;  Our relationship status.
Yes,  our relationship status has been the center of a LOT of disrespect to Black women.
Especially women over a certain age.
Especially Black women of a certain age who are single mothers.
There's an ENTIRE YouTube channel run by a Black male COMPLETELY focused on his disdain for Black women, but ESPECIALLY single mothers.
He has a huge following and sad to say they are mostly bitter Black men who are just as jaded as he is.
It is tough to see that much hatred of us from our own as much as we hold them down.
It's a slap in the face.
It turns out he had a kid he wasn't taking care of all this time,  he produced out of wedlock AND was on child support for!
Go fucking figure!
Yesterday,  I was talking to a 42 year old man (you'll see why I mentioned his age later).
We had been having phone conversations and texting when we couldn't talk.
We were really building a good rapport.
Or so I thought.
Anyway,  we're conversing and he said,  and I quote, "I was talking to this woman with four kids who had the nerve to say that she was going to wait on marriage before she had sex again. I told her ain't no man gone out up with that!"
I was taken aback by the boldness in his statement!
So naturally,  I questioned the validity of his statement.
What the Hell does he mean she had "the nerve"?
What was wrong with what she said?  So the conversation proceeded like this:

Me: Well,  why can't she choose what she wants to do with her body?
Him: Because she has FOUR kids!  Ain't no man gone put up with that!
Me: So wait,  because she has four kids she can't choose not to have sex outside of marriage now?
Him: That's not what I'm saying but she has four kids so that means it could have been four,  three or maybe even one man but she has FOUR kids.
Me: So the amount of kids she has determines if she can change her ways and morals, if we're assuming she has bad ways and no morals, and decide to wait for marriage before having sex again?
Him: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying no man is going to put up with that.
Me: Then explain it because you are basically saying she doesn't have a right to make that decision because she has four kids!
Him: That's not what I'm saying but ain't no man gonna put up with that!  A lot of other women agreed with me when I told them. They said the same thing! Ain't no man gonna put up with that.
Me: Then I wouldn't consider that a man; I would consider that a boy!
Him: We're two different people!
*He disconnects the call*

I was FLOORED!
Did this dude just hang up in my face because I disagreed?!
HOW CHILDISH!
He said he WASN'T saying she didn't have a right but that's EXACTLY what he was saying!
Well,  of COURSE we're two different people!
Men are from Mars,  women are from Venus but that doesn't negate the fact that you just said a woman,  especially a woman with children,  doesn't have a right to choose what she does with her body as long as man has a problem with it!
I am not a feminist,  however,THAT was total bullshit! 
This woman's value,  respectability and moral choices are being disregarded by the fact that she has four children.
That spoke VOLUMES for his character!
Women agreeing with him spoke volumes with how single Black women are viewing their worth also.
It shouldn't be a woman alive that would agree with that statement.
Then again, this is a rape culture we're living in.
Lack of respect for women's choices NOT to have sex start SOMEWHERE!
I'm NEVER going to agree with some chauvinist rhetoric like he was spewing!
Ever!
Not to be agreeable so I can have a man,  to side with him to get on his good side or to appear submissive.
That's simply NOT the way to go about it!
I don't mind being alone if that's what will have to put up with!
I don't know why it's okay to say these things and treat women this way for some men but it's NOT right!
I just know that when I put in my prayer  request to God for a soul mate, the things I have been enduring surely aren't on that list!
Respect for me as a woman,  a Black woman and a Black woman who is a single mother is at the very top of my list!
Respect, humility, being considerate and appreciation for me are top factors in my choice of a mate.
I have surely been met with disrespect,  cockiness and taking FULL advantage of my feelings (for them and in general)  since I reentered the dating world.
I definitely have NOT met my soul mate!
I imagine,  no,  I KNOW, many of my counterparts have not either.
These are GREAT women who require more and definitely DESERVE more.
Women, who like myself, desire to date and marry Black men (no shade to the sistahs that don't),  but can't even get respected by them!
I hope to see a change in the way we're treated because my faith in how society as a whole treats us is shaky, but the brothas aren't very reassuring that society is completely WRONG!

Maybe labeling us bitter isn't the best thing to do and it's FAR from fair!
We have been let down by our men and looked down upon by others for CENTURIES, yet we remain intelligent, loyal, patient, understanding and resilient!
We deserve a lot more credit than we are given and the MAIN people that should be holding us down our the brothas!
Period, point, blank!
WE AREN'T BITTER!  WE'RE JUST DISAPPOINTED! 

All She Ever Wanted Was a Real One

Can I be frank for a moment?

I do not like Atlanta. 
Yeah, I live here but let me just say this is not the "mecca" they claim it is! The majority of Black people here do NOT help each other! They look out for whoever they think can further them but God forbid they help someone reach a higher level out of the kindness of their heart! We'll NEVER get ahead as a people like this! EVER!

I am disappointed by this.

Some of the white ones look down on "us" way too much to be so cocky. It's 2016! I grew up with more, knowing more and exposed to more than half of them. I am educated and well spoken as were/are my parents. I am NOT a dumb Negro! I am African-American and I am a threat but not physically; my brain and mind-set tell my story. I am angered by this.

What I am really disheartened by is the dating scene!
The dating scene here in Atlanta has these dudes heads super swollen cuz they see quantity but aren't seeking quality.

They just see numbers and they lose it!

They feel a car, a decent job and their own place makes the a supreme catch.

Gtfoh, grown ass man, you're SUPPOSED to have that! That shit doesn't make you God's gift to women! You're doing shit normal men do! I am NOT impressed!

I am impressed by loyalty (this falls in line with honesty and monogamy), when they are family oriented, don't have fear of commitment, practise the three Ps: profess (professing to the world their love and devotion to me), protect (there should be no way a man I'm with should let anyone day or do anything foul to me. Considering, I don't want a thug nor do I ask for drama, cause drama or tolerate drama; if it comes my way it's unwarranted. I don't want a dude shrugging his shoulders and letting me know he could give two shits about my well being. I can't check a man the way another man can) and provide (this doesn't mean you have to pay my bills but possess the ability and willingness to do so. Nothing sucks worse than having a need and a man who puts his dick in you but can't put money in your hands when you really need it),  someone with a sense of adventure and a sense of humor, decent conversation, and who can encourage me in spirituality and marriage minded. THAT'S impressive to me!

My ass is phat/fat even though I am fat and my boobs are big. My stomach is flat when I lay down just like everyone else's (a BBW lover once told me he doesn't care about stomachs cuz they are all flat laying down. I thought it was hilarious but made perfectly logical sense. It never stopped me from gettin' busy!) so I don't have body image issues affecting my confidence. So I don't care about or worry about competing with all the video girl shaped chicks running around here (they aren't fairing much better BTW). I am feminine and fly. I smell pretty and look pretty.  You would think that counted for something but it doesn't seem to.

They also seem to think their above average sized phallus is enough. Well, I can tell you, it isn't! 

All they see is  the opportunity to prey on women, good women, and move on to the next victim.

I am nobody's victim! 
I won't ever accept  that and won't settle for it. I am almost 42, I'm not for the children's games. I don't have the patience for it in any capacity. 

I have not experienced this anywhere EXCEPT here!

That ratio of men to women here has these dudes thinking they have it made! 

They probably do but they should take into consideration that while Atlanta is big, at the same time it's rather small. Just like women come here, they can leave here. Women also talk. Even a nobody knows SOMEBODY!

And then there's ALWAYS white men (when I mentioned white people who are judging earlier, I did say SOME remember?)

Yeah, they not sleeping on us just cuz you are. They aren't MY cup of tea but never say never. That ratio works two ways. When shortages occur people find other resources.

I don't know what happened in this "black mecca" that they stopped being a king looking for a queen (ONE queen) and looking to have many wives (and they ain't hardly looking for marriage). 

I'm and old school chick with old school values. I will never accept these new fangled dating rules.

I deserve better and I require better.

I can see my time here in Atlanta coming to an end very soon. I have  things I am working on here first. Then I'm out!

I said the only thing that would keep me here is love. Not just any love either. The put-a-ring-on-it-two-and-a-half-kids-and-a-dog-white-picket-fence kinda love. If God has my soulmate looking for me, He better work fast because I am ret tah go! 

Until then I'll keep my toes dipped in the dating pool and put on my fuckboy blockers; it is certainly no shortage of those!

If you're in the same pool, utilize your life preservers (prophylactics) and only trust the lifeguards (the true good guys and not the ones dressed up as good guys).

Just a Quick Note

One of my good guy friends, that I talk to about everything, told me to read this book. I don't want to Think like a Man. I am a woman. I was raised with my married parents and saw how a woman should be treated and how a woman should treat her man. He explained, I saw AFTER the courtship. I came along AFTER my dad courted and married my mom. I need to learn about the process before and not just by what my parents taught me about how a man should treat me. I need to look at it through more than one view.
So, I am reading this. I read for entertainment and I read to learn/gain information. I am reading this one to learn.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition, Steve Harvey.
 https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=ZxHSAgAAQBAJ