Never Forget Your Worth!

Being single & dating is super hard!

Single women don’t want to be embarrassed in front of their friends anymore than a woman who’s in a relationship does!

We don’t want to have only adventures of sex to tell our friends! 

We want to talk about how you came in & brought us some flowers, took us out, how you try to get to know our heart, how you love us just when we are, that you have your own mind and that you take us just how we are.

We want to build with someone,  love someone unconditionally, hold down &  be held down, ALL THAT! 

We are humans with feelings too & people need to remember we sre not these heartless, emotionless,  "crazy", lonely people they peg us as!

Y'all better stop acting like it's something wrong with us, we're expecting too much and needing too much before you miss your blessing!  

You can definitely switch gears with someone who you allowed to do things you usually don’t tolerate.

Don’t let anybody tell you something like, “That's not how we were in the beginning so why are you trying to switch up now?”

The answer to that is you let them try you long enough! ENOUGH IS ENOUGH!

Sometimes we try to compromise because we feel like we’re being unreasonable with our requests and because we really love somebody,  but never second-guess your own judgment. 

Dealbreakers are just that; dealbreakers.!

Don't let somebody tell you that you don’t deserve the best treatment because you don’t look a certain way, or because you don’t do things exactly the way they want you to all the time, or you don't allow them to treat you a certain types of way, or for any reason!

Demand the best because you deserve the best!

Thinking Back, Looking Ahead: 2017 Year End Review

Basically, this last blog of 2017 will be the list of things I feel I learned or grew from.

My life is serene but serenity doesn't mean nothing is going on nor does it mean my life is fulfilled.

I am content but in the New Year, I plan to get all out of my comfort zone.

I have been in my safe place for far too long.

For now, I will go over some of the things that made my 2017 what it was.

• First, I lost 105 pounds! - After my Vertical Sleeve Gastrectomy, I shed 105. I had to change my eating by force and I worked out. I did well! If I never lose another pound, I will be content. I lost a significant amount of weight and I am happy! I DEFINITELY plan to continue on this journey in life from 2018 and beyond!
• God is Good - All the time; all the time God is good! I found a new church home! I love it! It gives me a sense of peace and I actually LOVE going! It took me a long time to get back in touch with God and I am glad I did! I know my momma is smiling down on me!
• One Hot Momma - I am still parenting alone. Yes, the door of co-parenting is wide open but I cannot MAKE anyone do anything that is not in their heart. Anyone can say they love a child but if you are not building bonds with that child and making sure that child needs are met emotionally, mentally, physically and financially, your love is conditional. I love my child unconditionally! Period! 
• I started dating again - I am taking my time. I have not met anybody significant, Hell, I haven't even been on a date!  A LOT of these dudes in Atlanta play too many games. However, I know I asked God for a soulmate and I have NO DOUBT he will deliver. I was specific in my prayers and I am working on being the perfect soulmate for him, whoever he may be. I will NOT lower my standards, I will NOT settle and nothing anyone says will EVER make me question my worth SIMPLY because I am single. It's far too many people who think it's okay to bash a woman for it, act like everything she is discontent about reverts back to her singleness and that her main focus is getting a man. That's ignorance and narrow-mindedness and it REALLY HAS TO STOP! Who God has for me is for me and when he sends him, I will know!
• Work, Werk, Wurq, Wurk - I decided to make a career out of my job. This means I am looking to move around the company and I found a home there. I am pursuing higher positions and perfecting my current skill set to be able to advance easily.
• Moving Mountains - Someone told me that if they were me they would be in a panic because I am not making the money THEY feel I should.. Funny, they make a lot but it seems they have nothing to show for it. I am not going to panic when I have plans set in motion to advance. I will NOT panic when I trust in God and put it in his hands. He has taken seen me through the worst (losing my momma was the worst thing I ever felt!) and I came out UNSCATHED! I trust His will and no matter whatever else I go through I KNOW GOD GOT ME!

So in a short nutshell, that was my 2017! I am sure I missed a few things but those were THEE most significant things I learned and grew from. Life is a road and I plan to travel down that road as I please, how I please and at the pace I please! 

Happy New Year! #2018andbeyond

Swapping Adjectives

All too often when a woman,  especially a Black woman,  expresses her discontent with something,  we are saddled with the word bitter.
This is especially true of unwed, single mothers in my age group.
It's like we aren't free to express our dissatisfaction with ANYTHING or ANYONE,  especially the brothas,  without wearing that label.
That is an ill-conceived notion.
I honestly don't know a group of women who have had a tougher time in life than the Black woman.
That's nor to discredit white women and other women of color.
That's NOT what I'm saying by any means.
I can't speak on any other experiences other than that of a Black woman because that's what I am.
However,  I do know what I see.
One stark example that we're STILL NOT considered equal would be the fact that we're THEE MOST educated group yet if our resume has a name like Tamisha versus Jennifer (yes, I know several Black Jennifers),  guess who's more than likely getting called back first,  despite the résumé's content?
I've seen positions I qualified for be filled by white women with nothing going on upstairs when I wasn't even interviewed.
No,  I'm NOT paranoid;  this is STILL happening to this day!
However,  that's one example and honestly it's NOT what prompts people to call us bitter.
You know what does prompt that?;  Our relationship status.
Yes,  our relationship status has been the center of a LOT of disrespect to Black women.
Especially women over a certain age.
Especially Black women of a certain age who are single mothers.
There's an ENTIRE YouTube channel run by a Black male COMPLETELY focused on his disdain for Black women, but ESPECIALLY single mothers.
He has a huge following and sad to say they are mostly bitter Black men who are just as jaded as he is.
It is tough to see that much hatred of us from our own as much as we hold them down.
It's a slap in the face.
It turns out he had a kid he wasn't taking care of all this time,  he produced out of wedlock AND was on child support for!
Go fucking figure!
Yesterday,  I was talking to a 42 year old man (you'll see why I mentioned his age later).
We had been having phone conversations and texting when we couldn't talk.
We were really building a good rapport.
Or so I thought.
Anyway,  we're conversing and he said,  and I quote, "I was talking to this woman with four kids who had the nerve to say that she was going to wait on marriage before she had sex again. I told her ain't no man gone out up with that!"
I was taken aback by the boldness in his statement!
So naturally,  I questioned the validity of his statement.
What the Hell does he mean she had "the nerve"?
What was wrong with what she said?  So the conversation proceeded like this:

Me: Well,  why can't she choose what she wants to do with her body?
Him: Because she has FOUR kids!  Ain't no man gone put up with that!
Me: So wait,  because she has four kids she can't choose not to have sex outside of marriage now?
Him: That's not what I'm saying but she has four kids so that means it could have been four,  three or maybe even one man but she has FOUR kids.
Me: So the amount of kids she has determines if she can change her ways and morals, if we're assuming she has bad ways and no morals, and decide to wait for marriage before having sex again?
Him: I'm not saying that. I'm just saying no man is going to put up with that.
Me: Then explain it because you are basically saying she doesn't have a right to make that decision because she has four kids!
Him: That's not what I'm saying but ain't no man gonna put up with that!  A lot of other women agreed with me when I told them. They said the same thing! Ain't no man gonna put up with that.
Me: Then I wouldn't consider that a man; I would consider that a boy!
Him: We're two different people!
*He disconnects the call*

I was FLOORED!
Did this dude just hang up in my face because I disagreed?!
HOW CHILDISH!
He said he WASN'T saying she didn't have a right but that's EXACTLY what he was saying!
Well,  of COURSE we're two different people!
Men are from Mars,  women are from Venus but that doesn't negate the fact that you just said a woman,  especially a woman with children,  doesn't have a right to choose what she does with her body as long as man has a problem with it!
I am not a feminist,  however,THAT was total bullshit! 
This woman's value,  respectability and moral choices are being disregarded by the fact that she has four children.
That spoke VOLUMES for his character!
Women agreeing with him spoke volumes with how single Black women are viewing their worth also.
It shouldn't be a woman alive that would agree with that statement.
Then again, this is a rape culture we're living in.
Lack of respect for women's choices NOT to have sex start SOMEWHERE!
I'm NEVER going to agree with some chauvinist rhetoric like he was spewing!
Ever!
Not to be agreeable so I can have a man,  to side with him to get on his good side or to appear submissive.
That's simply NOT the way to go about it!
I don't mind being alone if that's what will have to put up with!
I don't know why it's okay to say these things and treat women this way for some men but it's NOT right!
I just know that when I put in my prayer  request to God for a soul mate, the things I have been enduring surely aren't on that list!
Respect for me as a woman,  a Black woman and a Black woman who is a single mother is at the very top of my list!
Respect, humility, being considerate and appreciation for me are top factors in my choice of a mate.
I have surely been met with disrespect,  cockiness and taking FULL advantage of my feelings (for them and in general)  since I reentered the dating world.
I definitely have NOT met my soul mate!
I imagine,  no,  I KNOW, many of my counterparts have not either.
These are GREAT women who require more and definitely DESERVE more.
Women, who like myself, desire to date and marry Black men (no shade to the sistahs that don't),  but can't even get respected by them!
I hope to see a change in the way we're treated because my faith in how society as a whole treats us is shaky, but the brothas aren't very reassuring that society is completely WRONG!

Maybe labeling us bitter isn't the best thing to do and it's FAR from fair!
We have been let down by our men and looked down upon by others for CENTURIES, yet we remain intelligent, loyal, patient, understanding and resilient!
We deserve a lot more credit than we are given and the MAIN people that should be holding us down our the brothas!
Period, point, blank!
WE AREN'T BITTER!  WE'RE JUST DISAPPOINTED! 

Lazy AF Dating

Yes,  you read it correctly;
I meant to say Lazy As Fuck Dating.
You all,  who've read my past postings know I am (well,  trying to be,  kinda sorta)  in the dating world.
I am not alone amongst my circle of friends in said dating world.
I have had a chance to speak to quite a few of them in regards to their experience.
Their experiences were very similar if not the same as mine.

The guys making attempts to date them are L-A-Z-Y!

I've heard and seen this (screenshots provide further evidence of how real the struggle is) occurring across social media amongst my peers as well. 
Take into account these infractions are occurring online on dating apps and sites and social media (people often make attempts to date people through Facebook, Instagram and other sites as well)

Take into account Exhibit A:

Carrying the conversation

Fellas,  unless we're in it for the sex,  most of us want someone we can talk to. 

You all KNOW women like to talk so if you ever plan to get far enough with one who's looking for something deeper, no pun intended, then you MUST be able to hold a decent conversation! 

Why are we starting AND carrying the conversation?
There is NO WAY we should strike up a conversation and get hit with a dry ass, "Hi."!
Damn, he was too lazy to throw an exclamation point on the Hi to at least sound enthused? 
You should be able to fully articulate and with the abundance of topics in the world to discuss, you should be able to talk about anything and everything, and everything and nothing

Giving Up the Digits

Shooting your number after saying hello doesn't make me want to call you!  We haven't had ANY dialogue! 
I also don't want to have a million conversations via in boxing on a website either. 
If you're genuinely interested in a woman, get her number. 
After the first message,  no, don't ask for her number. 
It seems like you're rushing things and just about every woman I spoke to said this makes them leery! 
All we did was match each other and I already have your number? 
So,  do you do this with ALL your matches? 
Not that whoever else you're speaking to is of a concern to me,  but I wonder if you have ANY discretion since just anybody can have your number. 
However,  if we have a good dialogue built up,  it's natural to want to know more about the person. 
Personally, I REFUSE to get to know someone via text messages and DMs! 
I will not do it! 
Too much can be misconstrued via text! 
We want to know that you can hold a decent conversation and keep us mentally stimulated.
Oh,  please,  don't let that conversation be filled with ways you can physically stimulate us either!

Asking a Woman To Chill

Ahhhh,  the good ol' reliable Netflix and chill! 
This works for some. 
However, if you're dating with a purpose,  that's not an option when first meeting someone to which you have no
commitment. 
Even if she's just dating period,  why would she not want to go out to get a sense of the type of person you are? 
I'm not saying that you have to take her to a five star restaurant. 
I don't want to sit across from someone who I have zero chemistry with for a few hours either! 
I'm NOT that hard up for a meal! 
I also realize how little effort it takes to have a woman come to your home and all you've spent is 7.99 that month. 
It's not even how much you spent that's the problem;
It's the lack of trying that poses an issue.

              Poor Communication

A major complaint in the Lazy AF Dating is communication! 
Again,  trying to get to know a woman via text,  slow to no responses, not returning phone calls or the dreaded not answering but replying by text right after, or not hearing from you for DAYS on end is LAZY AS FUCK!
I cannot STAND a rude man!
I am ALWAYS going to speak up about it.
I am a lot less dismissive about some things, but this is a dealbreaker for me!
Even if I am not interested in someone I have the decency to reply back to them and be polite.
I consider their feelings and I know all too well what it feels like to have my time wasted.
I don't think anyone deserves that, who hasn't done anything to you.
I will be honest with them about it, so as not to waste their time.
Who wants to sit there calling someone, texting someone and pulling teeth to get them to respond to them?

I know with me, if I see you have the propensity to be inconsiderate to me, I am cutting my losses while I still have my pride. I refuse to be made a fool of!
Curving someone seems to be a trend going on from some dudes.
The issue with that is, I am NOT that chick!
I am not that chick that curved you in the past that you're mad at. Oh, BELIEVE me, the last person I dated said something similar to me when I asked why he did whatever he had done to hurt me. He actually said that it was done to him. So, I guess shit trickled downhill to me!
He later tried to backtrack and say he only said that because he was angry but that shit was the TRUTH!
I'm not about to be added to your list of holla back girls either.
You can't pick and choose when you talk to me.
That's not how this works; that's not how any of this works!

Putting Zero Creativity Into A Date

There are legit, entire sites that are full of good cheap dates. Pinterest is one of them!

There is LITERALLY no excuse for putting zero effort into making sure she has a good time.

I have been wanting to go on a picnic for a long time.

A VERY long time!

I expressed that to someone I was dating and for ten months he blew it off like it was nothing (take into consideration he was the same did that told me he did something hurtful to me because it was done to him).

I GAVE him the idea on a silver platter and he basically chose scraps.

I don't know why some fellas think we all want to go to fancy restaurants for every date.

That's very mundane and quite limited!

Think outside the box sometimes!

If you know any of her interests (if you cared enough to ask), it should NOT be hard to impress her! 

We're not as complicated as you think!

These are just like the basic ABCs of dating.

It's not even touching on relationship behaviors because it seems like it's hard to even get through the very bare necessities of dating to GET to a relationship and that's just sad.

The reason the divorce rate is lowering is because AIN'T NOBODY GETTING MARRIED! 

(You know it's serious when I break out in double negatives!)

Hell, if you can't get past dating how in the Hell are you walking down the aisle.

I am not so desperate to get married that I am putting up with lazy as fuck dating!

AIN'T NO WAY! (There those double negatives are again!)
While I do have lots of single friends, my married friends' husbands didn't have to be schooled on ANY of this when they were dating.
That's how they knew he was the one and a cut above the rest!

I am just NOT willing to do ALL the work!

He HAS to work with me!
I can work with a brotha and I have, but not one resting on his laurels and putting in zero effort to date me.
If fellas do the work they would see it's way easier than they make it out to be!
It's NOT a job but if you look at it that way, you'll dread it naturally.
Dating should NEVER be this frustrating for either party.
This is basically the easiest stage of any (impending) relationship!

Lazy AF dating really makes me consider closely WHO and HOW I am dating and thinking of the changes I need to implement.
I have standards and I am not settling for anything outside of those; even in dating.
Fellas will find that at this stage in the game, more and more women are doing more of the same.
I know that I have to be willing to take my leaps of faith and try some things outside the box myself (See my Celibacy: Not Getting Any or Not Giving Any post).
I know what I am worth, what I expect and what I need, and I can say with certainty, there's NOTHING lazy as fuck about it!

Celibacy: Not Getting Any or Not Giving Any?

Today, boys and girls, we are going to discuss celibacy!

Yay! This should be fun!

Just the other day my best friend and Jae I were discussing celibacy. 

She stated that she was talking to a guy who brazenly asked her when the last time she had sex was (as if that's ANY if his business).

Well she didn't give him a timeframe but she told him she is currently celibate.

This "gentleman" proceeded to ask her why and then tell her that he is free spirited and living his life and she should try it because it's so liberating.

I..was..floored!

Needless to say, so was she!

There were SEVERAL things wrong with his statement.

1.  It's NONE of his business WHY she chose celibacy
2. Just be cause she chose celibacy doesn't mean she is not liberated or living a full or satisfying life.
3.  His intent wasn't pure by any means! He just wanted her to be "liberated" with HIM!

I thought that was SO disrespectful to not see her celibacy as a decision she freely made. 

Unfortunately, many men and women feel that because the person THEY so desire is not sleeping with them at the moment they request they can't get any or are having a dry spell.

Well, if that was the case, wouldn't they jump at the chance to bed you?

There ARE people out here fully choosing to remain celibate.

It's not all about religion either.

However choosing NOT to create new Soul Ties to someone who you don't love, who doesn't love you and doesn't consider you a soul mate nor do you consider them a soul mate, can NEVER be a bad decision!

Being celibate doesn't make you any better or worse than anyone else in my opinion. You're just opting NOT to share a part of your body and soul with someone you feel isn't right for YOU! That doesn't make THEM a bad person either by the way. 

 I think people really have an issue with celibacy too because they get the impression that that person is angry or using sex as a weapon.

Sometimes people need to focus on themselves and not let anything cloud their minds.

There's nothing wrong with wanting to remain focused. At all!

I have been on a weight loss journey and a before that journey I was healing from a wound I got when I was run over by my car.

I was solely focused on healing, recovery and getting into the flow of my weight loss goals. Sex was THEE furthest from my mind.

So yes, people do find things more important than sex these days. Lot of people find lots of things more important than sex!

Don't get it twisted; sex can be AMAZING! I personally find it more amazing when I am head over heels in love with someone and I know they feel the same about me.

It's a double edged sword though because sex can be amazing if there is a really strong physical attraction without love too. Mentally and emotionally, however, I don't feel satisfied at the end of the day. Many people share this sentiment.

All I can really do is stick to the path I am trying to blaze.

I can't let any distractions veer me from it and get me unfocused.

I have prayed for my soulmate and he is out there.

I defeat the purpose of my prayers by not waiting for "him" and doing things backwards.

I have to trust the phttps://www.yahoo.com/news/eric-bolling-apos-19-old-183106051.htmlrocess.

For me, unfulfilling meaningless sex isn't part of MY process.
It defeats the whole purpose of my prayer as well.
It also seems as if I question faith, which I don't and don't plan to start.
I know I a doing the right thing for myself because I don't even feel like I am missing out on anything whatsoever physically.
I felt like I was missing out mentally, emotionally and spiritually before I decided to be celibate.
It wasn't a good feeling.
I don't have that feeling currently because there is no one taking parts of my soul anymore and no doing anything positive with it.
I don't feel used, drained or void of emotion.
I just hope my soulmate is out there doing as I am to improve himself for me as I am for him.

You Dropped Your Dime

Flashback Friday to a Facebook Note I wrote in 2008. 
Even then I had the foresight to see that no one should treat you a way you don't deserve and that what they don't appreciate someone else WILL! 
Enjoy the screenshots.

All She Ever Wanted Was a Real One

Can I be frank for a moment?

I do not like Atlanta. 
Yeah, I live here but let me just say this is not the "mecca" they claim it is! The majority of Black people here do NOT help each other! They look out for whoever they think can further them but God forbid they help someone reach a higher level out of the kindness of their heart! We'll NEVER get ahead as a people like this! EVER!

I am disappointed by this.

Some of the white ones look down on "us" way too much to be so cocky. It's 2016! I grew up with more, knowing more and exposed to more than half of them. I am educated and well spoken as were/are my parents. I am NOT a dumb Negro! I am African-American and I am a threat but not physically; my brain and mind-set tell my story. I am angered by this.

What I am really disheartened by is the dating scene!
The dating scene here in Atlanta has these dudes heads super swollen cuz they see quantity but aren't seeking quality.

They just see numbers and they lose it!

They feel a car, a decent job and their own place makes the a supreme catch.

Gtfoh, grown ass man, you're SUPPOSED to have that! That shit doesn't make you God's gift to women! You're doing shit normal men do! I am NOT impressed!

I am impressed by loyalty (this falls in line with honesty and monogamy), when they are family oriented, don't have fear of commitment, practise the three Ps: profess (professing to the world their love and devotion to me), protect (there should be no way a man I'm with should let anyone day or do anything foul to me. Considering, I don't want a thug nor do I ask for drama, cause drama or tolerate drama; if it comes my way it's unwarranted. I don't want a dude shrugging his shoulders and letting me know he could give two shits about my well being. I can't check a man the way another man can) and provide (this doesn't mean you have to pay my bills but possess the ability and willingness to do so. Nothing sucks worse than having a need and a man who puts his dick in you but can't put money in your hands when you really need it),  someone with a sense of adventure and a sense of humor, decent conversation, and who can encourage me in spirituality and marriage minded. THAT'S impressive to me!

My ass is phat/fat even though I am fat and my boobs are big. My stomach is flat when I lay down just like everyone else's (a BBW lover once told me he doesn't care about stomachs cuz they are all flat laying down. I thought it was hilarious but made perfectly logical sense. It never stopped me from gettin' busy!) so I don't have body image issues affecting my confidence. So I don't care about or worry about competing with all the video girl shaped chicks running around here (they aren't fairing much better BTW). I am feminine and fly. I smell pretty and look pretty.  You would think that counted for something but it doesn't seem to.

They also seem to think their above average sized phallus is enough. Well, I can tell you, it isn't! 

All they see is  the opportunity to prey on women, good women, and move on to the next victim.

I am nobody's victim! 
I won't ever accept  that and won't settle for it. I am almost 42, I'm not for the children's games. I don't have the patience for it in any capacity. 

I have not experienced this anywhere EXCEPT here!

That ratio of men to women here has these dudes thinking they have it made! 

They probably do but they should take into consideration that while Atlanta is big, at the same time it's rather small. Just like women come here, they can leave here. Women also talk. Even a nobody knows SOMEBODY!

And then there's ALWAYS white men (when I mentioned white people who are judging earlier, I did say SOME remember?)

Yeah, they not sleeping on us just cuz you are. They aren't MY cup of tea but never say never. That ratio works two ways. When shortages occur people find other resources.

I don't know what happened in this "black mecca" that they stopped being a king looking for a queen (ONE queen) and looking to have many wives (and they ain't hardly looking for marriage). 

I'm and old school chick with old school values. I will never accept these new fangled dating rules.

I deserve better and I require better.

I can see my time here in Atlanta coming to an end very soon. I have  things I am working on here first. Then I'm out!

I said the only thing that would keep me here is love. Not just any love either. The put-a-ring-on-it-two-and-a-half-kids-and-a-dog-white-picket-fence kinda love. If God has my soulmate looking for me, He better work fast because I am ret tah go! 

Until then I'll keep my toes dipped in the dating pool and put on my fuckboy blockers; it is certainly no shortage of those!

If you're in the same pool, utilize your life preservers (prophylactics) and only trust the lifeguards (the true good guys and not the ones dressed up as good guys).

Just a Quick Note

One of my good guy friends, that I talk to about everything, told me to read this book. I don't want to Think like a Man. I am a woman. I was raised with my married parents and saw how a woman should be treated and how a woman should treat her man. He explained, I saw AFTER the courtship. I came along AFTER my dad courted and married my mom. I need to learn about the process before and not just by what my parents taught me about how a man should treat me. I need to look at it through more than one view.
So, I am reading this. I read for entertainment and I read to learn/gain information. I am reading this one to learn.
Act Like a Lady, Think Like a Man, Expanded Edition, Steve Harvey.
 https://play.google.com/store/books/details?id=ZxHSAgAAQBAJ

Lady of Convenience

lady of convenience

A woman that is taken to events, paraded around as a girlfriend, and screwed when the male needs it. She is convenient until something better comes along and the male is not committed. She is similar to an escort.

I am not built for that shit! I am just not about that life! 

I require more. I don't require a lot but I DO require more!

I really don't want to be in that type of situationship at 41. 41 will turn into 45, 45 will be 50 and then you'll have a hard time settling down and just have to settle.

I have much higher standards than being anyone's lady of convenience.

I want the white picket fence, two and a half kids and a dog. I deserve that.
While I don't want it now, I want it eventually. 

These types of relationships are ALWAYS for the benefit of the man. The woman is usually totally unaware, being mislead and/or he pretends he "wants to take things slow". She NEVER gets the full truth until she figures it out by herself OR by mistake (You know guys are NEVER as slick as they THINK are!).

If they do tell you what's up, it's ALWAYS sent with mixed messages and mixed signals until you ask for a commitment. Then they backpedal and remind you how they didn't want a relationship and the vicious cycle keeps repeating itself. 

They (society) like to harp on age for women. A lot! For some things I harp on age too. They say we have less energy after 40. I know they HAVE to mean mental energy as well because I don't have the energy for fruitless relationships at this point in my life. Whether it be career, friendships, familial or otherwise personal. As Sweet Brown said, "Ain't nobody got time for that!"

I don't want to be a piece to any man, I want to be his everything. A lady of convenience gets whatever that man has to give. It's usually only enough to satisfy her momentarily so she'll shut up.

I can admit I tried to get through to men like this before. I mean I went HARD!

I did everything a woman should with no title.

As a matter of fact, I spent 11 months of my life doing so before.

That was ample time to get a feel of what a lady of convenience goes through.

My experience was far less than stellar.

I, unfortunately, was being the type of woman who was hardheaded and didn't listen to the many instances of being told he wasn't ready. I take full ownership of that.

Often ladies of convenience see that shift in attitude when they are ready to leave that makes them question if they are being patient enough.

He's being extra loving, sweet and caring to you. He's "acting" like your dude but trust me, he is NOT!

I experienced this OFTEN.

I got the talks about future plans, questioned about how I would treat my man (as if I wasn't showing him that already); this had me thinking he was ready to make this official...That was a pipe dream being sold. I was even told about events that couples would frequent, that we NEVER made it to! 

Granted, I do not feel he took someone else, him not taking me was enough of a jab.

He just wasn't into me. I even called him on that numerous times. I just got a beat around the bush answer when I confronted him..every time.

I felt it in my gut. I just didn't go with it. I take responsibility for that as well. ALWAYS go with your gut. I addressed that in my post here:

Trust In Your Decisions

I can't waste my time ever doing that again!

Ladies, I don't suggest you do it either.

It's a hurtful, lonely, disappointing situation to be in and it can be avoided.

Being a good woman won't make a man who is not ready change for you. I felt like I couldn't show all my love and I held back in numerous ways because I could sense that he wasn't giving me all of him.

That's a bad feeling, to feel like you can't be free to love him totally. You know he's not allowing himself to do the same, or trusting you with his heart. Why would I risk what he wouldn't?

The shit we see in the movies doesn't happen for girls like me, unfortunately. I live in a very real, and sometimes cruel, world.

Trust me, I waited for that change in him to happen and it never did.

When they say it's not you, believe that it isn't!

Do yourself a favor and move on and quickly.

The longer you have someone occupying that space is the longer your soulmate is being kept away from you.

How can the right man come in when the wrong man is in the way?

He's waiting and watching and you will be his PRIORITY.

I am really not going through these changes in 2016 or beyond. I deserve what I have to give, I have standards, certain things are deal breakers and I won't compromise myself ever again for them. 

I have more love and respect for myself to ever do THAT again! We have to love and respect ourselves and never let anyone make us deviate from that for ANY reason,

Not for their love, not for their attention, and certainly not for THEIR convenience.