I really almost forgot to post this!
I wanted to go over my year and how it went but I'm wondering if it's really necessary.
Honestly, not much changed and I didn't make nearly as much progress as I wanted until the final hour.
That's keeping it all the way real.
I didn't get a big promotion I wanted, I didn't get published like I wanted (I'm still waiting on responses from that), I lost my car to an accident and have a scarred wound as a result.
I am still single and I'm not searching.
I don't even have an interest in that because I'm not happy with me so how can I be happy with another?
Other than that; my life stood still.
However, I am not happy about it and I do not even begin to act like I am.
I am not miserable.
Don't get it twisted.
I love being alive but I want to LIVE!
Change is not in my words; it's in my actions.
Resolutions?
They are not for me.
Praying for guidance, working my way around obstacles and stepping out on a limb are right up my alley.
I don't need a new year to make that happen. Changes like that are constant!
I will say that I finally did something about my weight.
I had gastric sleeve surgery on December 15th.
I am struggling with protein intake, keeping food down and on a strict liquid diet.
So before anyone states the, "You took the easy way out." Stop yourself.
This...is..HARD!
At 359 pounds, there's no easy way out of anything. Know this!
I've lost 30 pounds to date.
It's a work in progress.
I also am reenrolling in school.
My future looks so bleak without a higher degree. The one I have won't suffice in today's world. Times have changed and I need to adapt.
I was in tears at the thought of this struggle being my life.
I can't do it anymore.
God didn't intend this for me.
God has better plans for me.
God helps those who help themselves.
So, I'm doing just that.
So I'm going to study hard, bust my ass, lose sleep, miss out on fun just to ensure I can enjoy the pleasures in life forever and make sure to set an example for my beautiful little girl.
Co-habitating with family is not what I imagined.
Yes, adults all need their own space but some families make it work cuz they love each other.
I have one family member that doesn't think this way.
There's no dramatics to speak of, no threats or anything of that sort but my intuition never lies.
Some people don't value family and the closeness of family even though we weren't raised that way.
My mother would be so disappointed but I have to say myself and my sibling I'm closest to are definitely making my mother proud!
We are loving, caring genuinely and we talk almost daily to keep our bond tight.
We don't speak out of obligation. It's real and heartfelt.
It's no shade but I call a spade a spade.
It used to be so hurtful but I am surrounded by very loving people in other areas of life so it balances out.
I'm good!
So, in the Spring my daughter and I will be moving out on our own so we can breathe and have our space and feel at home.
It's going to be hard but it's what needs to happen for my peace of mind and hers.
I will pray for my family to be blessed regardless and that God works on their heart and spirit.
I won't claim 2017 as "my year" as many have. That's not knocking those who do either.
How can I claim it when so many others are accomplishing so much as well.
Every year on Earth has to be "my year" because God blessed me to see it!
So, I say Happy New Year!
Be blessed, live your dreams and prosper!
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