The Art of Conversation

Lately one of my closest friends and I have been discussing our dating life and the things we encounter in it. The one common complaint, and I use that word loosely, is that the art of conversation is lost! 

In the day and age of social media, texting, and instant messaging, a lot of people think everything can be resolved through one of those sources.

Now mind you, I am up on the times so I too use these resources. However,  I am blessed to be part of the generation that is old school with a touch of new school. I STILL believe everything can't be resolved via text, IM or Skype. Some things require face to face or at the very LEAST a phone call! It would save a lot of heartache and headache!

For example, an apology is much better served with a look of sincerity in your eyes so that person knows you really mean it. You can't get that through a text or DM (direct message for those unaware) or an IM (you all should know that's an instant message). 

Remember my olive branch extension post? Well, it's much better extended face to face than via long, drawn out texts that an angry person can pick apart and interpret how they want. 

In a real conversation they can hear the tone of your voice and the sincerity in your voice as well; That's so hard to decipher in writing! It's basically impossible to get the real feel of what a person is saying in writing during instances like that.

This isn't about apologies today so let me not digress. 

We discussed how much we appreciate a man that is a good communicator. We talked about how important it is to keep in contact and how it shows us that you really have a sincere and genuine interest. 

A good morning text is great and no one is expecting daily phone calls from someone that we are just dating, and not dating seriously. However, hearing your voice on the other end of the phone from a surprise phone call is a welcome change from the norm. 

We know you are more than likely dating several women, and the good morning text that you send us could very well be copy and pasted. Now don't get me wrong, I don't expect you to come up with unique and exciting lines to woo me because that's not really sincere. Besides, you don't know enough about me to decipher how much I stand out from the other women. I do know this, if you don't take the chance and the opportunity to step outside of your comfort zone and actually open up a dialogue with me, you will never know that about me. That is plain and simple and cut and dry.

There should never be a time in our time on Earth, that we are comfortable with discussing something important or something that we deem of importance via text. It isn't a time if you want someone to take you seriously.

We were also discussing that we take the man who makes a valiant effort to call us on the phone and pick our brains and lets us pick theirs, ten times more seriously.

 You would be amazed at how many things get lost in translation when you send a text message! I have actually gotten into heated arguments with people because I thought they meant one thing they thought I meant another, and both of us totally and completely misunderstood everything the other person was saying. Now just imagine that occurring while you're trying to actually date a person. Versus you picking up the phone and actually talking things over with them you continue to send angry texts, silly emojis and acronyms like WTF? And FML!.

One of my friends is a great conversationalist! He's very smart, although he's humble about it. What I like most about speaking to him is that he will pick up the phone and call, and when he calls he actually has something of substance to say. I can pretty much pick any topic to discuss and he has a good amount of things to say on that topic.

Mind you, he is very busy; however he realizes that making the time to actually physically communicate via other forms than text messaging, makes much more of a difference in how I act and in how we interact. He really gets it.

When you have circumstances like that, a woman actually starts to compare and make her deductions. More than likely you will be subtracted from the equation. Even though we aren't trying to marry you, you want to give 'em something to talk about...literally!

He who texts, IMs, DMs and likes pictures on Instagram versus telling you personally how beautiful you are, may find himself by himself.

Why You Asking All These Questions?

Typically,  I tell people to mind their business. Why? Simply put, I am an open book. There's no need to be nosy because I have nothing to hide. Some things just aren't your business to know. I can be closed to certain things but I decided to step out of my comfort zone some.

Clearly,  I am a blogger. Bloggers typically are big mouth extroverts. I am NO different from the rest of them. I am of course referring to the non gossiping ones and the ones who write about celebs. I write about MY truths and MY experience.

I realize that while I might not  have a lot of traffic to this blog,  I have enough and people may have questions. So, I am about to be even more open.

Today I created an Ask.FM account. This was created so no assumptions are to be made when you can Simply ASK ME! It even lets you ask anonymously so you don't have to feel that pressure. Nothing is off limits so if you're reading this, ask away. I am honest to a fault so don't expect sugar coating.

Nothing and no one prompted me to write a questions blog.  I simply did.

I feel like I have to give a disclaimer because people are vain and they make EVERYTHING about them even though it's not.

So, here's how you can get to the meat and potatoes of me: Ask Tamisha ANYTHING here!

Extending The Olive Branch

I have a tendency to talk too much, be too blunt and speak too quickly in anger. It's a flaw I readily admit but haven't worked on quite enough. I also struggle with with being  humble and apologizing when I am wrong.

Blame it on my Aries traits, blame it on me being human, blame it on whatever you may. I blame myself. Being an Aries and a human just so happen to be a part of me. I digress.

My temper, my mouth and me being a writer are an extremely  bad combination sometimes. My tongue is as sharp as my pen. Granted, I am not a gossip columnist or an Entertainment blogger. These are my personal accounts of life and are all truth with no exaggeration. There may be lots of sarcasm but never slander.

That doesn't mean because what I said may be true that the way I worded it was right or the way I felt was expressed tactfully. It is, after all, my personal opinion on the situation I dealt with. 

Sometimes, I speak without having all tthe facts about why a situation occurred and I definitely write in haste.

One thing about me that a lot of people don't realize is I am sensitive and I have a heart of gold. I would give my last and I like to see people around me happy and make them happy.

When I wrong those people, I sincerely try to make it right. I extend the olive branch.

I can't force anyone to accept the apologies I extend. I can only offer it in hopes they can see my heart and know it's pure and that I am flawed.

If I wronged you, I publicly apologize. I meant no ill will. If you're in my life, it's because I invited you in and you belong there. I am glad to have you! 

If anyone doesn't accept that from me, thank you for being part of my life for the time you were there. You had a reason and a purpose, and I may not understand it now, but eventually I will. 

For now, I immediately feel the repercussions of doing something wrong to someone or talking too much. And that's a lesson I am learning and living with. I am not happy about it but I accept it. If I can dish it out, I can take it, even if it's taking a loss. You win some, you lose some. 

So, from the bottom of my heart, with pride swallowed and ego checked, I sincerely say, I am sorry.

Write Your Own Story

Happy New Year!
I don't have any resolutions for you. I am about to make changes because a blessing in the name of a JOB came my way. It just so happens that it's starting at the new year. I suck at resolutions. I have never, EVER kept a single one!
Changes can come at any time. It doesn't take us making it to a new year to do that. But you also have to remember sometimes changes require money, timing, and opportunity. For me, I needed all three to fall into place. By the grace of God, they have.
No, I didn't hit the lottery. God knows I wish I did. I just plan to grind hard and advance in my new position. Oh, it's nothing really fancy; I am doing Communications Operations II for Comcast. I am starting out in a higher position in the department than I originally realized. So to me, that's a great sign. I am sure you're Googling by now to see what I will be doing, my salary, etc.. but don't waste your time. I am not bragging about something that I consider a blessing. I am not bragging at all. I am just grateful. No matter how much I am making, I am about to make something from nothing! That's my whole point.
I always look at things as just getting by. I haven't put much thought into my dreams and talents. However, being out of work for four months, having to struggle, having to go without, facing dire circumstamces and being at the mercy of selfish people WITH a small child in tow can teach you an awful lot!
It taught me that talents wasted only affords you the opportunity to watch others use AND profit from theirs! 
It taught me that if you want it bad enough,you have to do it yourself. For example with me planning to open Mishy's Munchables© (I will discuss this in detail in another blog),I am literally going to have to teach myself everything! I don't have the resources for culinary school or cake art classes at the moment. This will NOT deter me from my dream. An acquaintance who bakes well gave words of encouragemwnt when she said I don't need all that and I can teach myself. That has stuck with me! When I look at her work, I am encouraged and impressed! She did all her learning on her own. She's a single mother as well and she works so she made no excuses for getting out there and doing what she dreamed! Here's her site: Sweets and Soirées
I have yet to order anything but her reviews through word of mouth are awesome! Aside from being a great person, she is a great cook! I am a huge fan of truffles and I heard hers are to die for!
Most people, and unfortunately I have to admit, black women,  don't support other black women, especially in the same business. I just don't operate that way. You have to give credit where credit is due. We have to put good karma out there to get it back! That is something I firmly believe.
I feel like my opportunities are endless. Of course, I have to get back on my feet but I don't plan on letting that sidetrack me. I am always writing someone else's story, it's high time I wrote my OWN!

It's My Way or the Highway!

I love a take charge man! I really do! With my strong, Aries personality, I need someone more dominant than I am.

However, when it comes to dating (the beginning stage) it's my way or the highway! 

I am not about to let anyone dictate to me the speed of things THEY feel I should be comfortable with or accept. Even if we decide to be cut buddies,  I decide when and if I will do certain things. Sorry,  fellas,  but dropping by for head on your lunch break is reserved for my man OR someone I have been humping around with that is putting it DOWN!

Why would I give YOU the royal treatment when you haven't crowned me with anything? It's no peasants over here! Either I am the Queen of your heart or up on a pedestal one way or another in your life. Even whores have standards!

I really don't think you guys get the concept of getting sex sometimes! It requires WORK if it's with a quality woman, even if it's casual. Even the most reserved and discreet woman, like myself, will turn on her head, twerk that ass and bust it open for a real Ninja, IF Y'ALL JUST CHILL THE FUCK OUT SOMETIMES!

Yes, I know it's a million chicks out there that will do it if I won't.  Blah, blah,  blah..heard it all before!  However, you know it's worth it! If it wasn't yo ass wouldn't be so damn mad. YOU have to play your part if you want us to play OURS!

Nah,  I'm NOT over here acting like I have a platinum coated womb! That's not what it is. I want it as bad as you do. However,  having to deal with attitudes and temper tantrums is the fastest way to make legs that were open like a 24 hour diner, to seal up like Fort Knox!  Listen, I have a five year old. If I wanted to deal with a spoiled brat, I don't need to go anywhere to do that! Thee LAST thing I wanna think about when planning a tryst is my kid!  PLEASE DON'T ACT LIKE ONE!

Women like me, hate when their spontaneity is wrecked because you're trying to dictate and control the ENTIRE situation!  The whole idea is she's planning random, spontaneous sexual acts that you'll reap MUCH pleasure from. Thats the whole fucking point! You can't be preoccupied with 8,000 things and then decide you wanna participate!  It won't work. By then, I guarantee you,  all the wicked things she had planned, have had a chance to sit in her brain and marinate.  By the time you make up your mind, her moral compass has pointed her in another direction and the wind in her sails is long GONE!  You, sir, have NO ONE to blame but YOURSELF! 

You guys have to step into 2014 about sex with women. We too, can call some shots when it comes to casual relationships too! You don't always have to have it go your way! You want us to go with the flow but when it's time for you to do the same, you wanna act up! Absolutely NOT! 

It's Friends (plural..as in, the both of you) with benefits, not just friend! However, friends are not selfish to each other. 

I'mma need y'all to stop acting up on selective women too. It's not often we decide we are feeling someone enough to throw caution to the wind and let you bed us without any strings atttached. So, when the hot librarian tells you she closes every Friday ...alone...use your head so you can use your head!  

You KNOW she ain't just propositioning just anybody and everybody! You did her Hoe FAX the day you saw her bent over in that tight pencil skirt and realized how fat her ass was. It came back clean. None of your family, your boys, or your coworkers have her on their friends list, follow her on Twitter or Instagram, or vice versa. So, no one has had it in your circle! 

You showed them her pic and got that, "Damn, boy, that ass fat! Who that?" You hoped to hear.

Baby girl is good money and her body count is way lower than yours or the chicks you actually wifed up in your past. So you came yo ass up and steady fucking it up! 

The librarian (don't judge me, I like to see them as nice, sweet ladies so I will use them as stellar examples as much as I please) is a rare gem,  dummy! Trust me,  she has skills where it counts! Being smart and reading means she has done her homework! She knows how to please a man! You're so damn busy letting your ego get in the way, you can't see that potential of it all. So right now you're loosing, homie! You could be pulling her hair, and asking her whose it is and running that in the bedroom but NOOOOO, you wanna show all that damn machismo and turn her off.

You catch more flies with honey! And you get more pumpum with patience. At least pumpum thats worth something!

Slow your roll, fellas! It's okay to be the passenger and let her drive sometimes. Trust me, you'll enjoy the ride .

He's Just Not That Into Me

*sigh* I am new to the Atlanta area and just getting back into the dating scene. It's a much bigger city than the Podunk town I have lived in for the past five years. So naturally,  I assumed the dating scene had to be better.

I turned to online dating because I am not sure where I can go socially and haven't truly been ready to hit the club scene. I really don't want too so that's an added factor as well. I would much rather have some conversations, feel him out, meet for coffee (well, hot cocoa for me) and go from there. It's more personal and more intimate. 

I tried this app called Tinder.

This app is awesome. It lets you filter out the people in your area and you can go from there. You can like/view them anonymously and if it's a mutal match, it let's you know and drops an reminder in your inbox. If they aren't feeling you, you don't ever know it. 

It saves you the humiliating experience of drooling over someone, they know it or ignore you, and you are feeling embarrassed when they don't dig you. You don't have to fake like you like them either. You can lament in silence when you click like and there's no mutual attraction because they have NO IDEA you liked them. 

Ohhhh, that glorious mutal match is an awesome thing. I was mutually matched to said musician. Finally, I was having some luck! 

He's a cool dude. He's a musician, he's attractive, and he has a great personality. It seems we had a great connection. All was cool until we decided to meet  .

You think that when you reached that point, it's all uphill from there. You get to actually see and smell (nothing besides the smell of babies and your momma can top a good smelling man) this wonderful individual and....NOTHING!

I was stood up two nights in a row. 

One night being stood up was rehearsal and I understood it. My issue was me having to call HIM to find out what thee hell happened! He saw no issues with not contacting me and giving me the courtesy of knowing he wasn't going to meet me. So, we got past that and decided to go for the next day.

Saturday arrives, babysitters are in place, he's done with his event and all is cool. It's 10 p.m.. It's a little late for my taste but I was being flexible.

The following takes place between 10:00 and 11:45 p.m.

Him: Hey hun im just leaving (city 20 minutes away)

Me: Okay..so you still wanna meet of what? (Excuse the typos but despite them, I gave him an out early in the conversation just in case he was planning to stand me up again. He could have taken it then but that would make too much sense)

Him: I gotta drop off 2 pple first

Me: Okay...I am going to shower.

Him: Hurry (my redflag should have gone up here but I was smiling thinking he was as excited to finally see me as I was him..WRONG!)

Him: Where do u want to meet

Me: I have no idea but its gonna be at least halfway or you come this way

Me: You know I am nnot real familiar

Him: I cant be gone to long....by me having to have this album done in 2 wks im recording every day and night ....but i wanted 2 take a few mins for us 2 meet (Ummm...whet? This was NEVER once mentioned. Mind you, he was supposed to have made time for me finally in his "uber busy" schedule. So why the hell are you springing this on me at the last minute? That's pretty inconsiderate.)

Me: So you have stuff to do tonight?

Him: In about an hour

Me: Music Man, you can't be serious...

Him: Babe i am (cuz Babe always softens the blow of, "I really didn't set aside the time for you. I just said I did so I could appease you at that moment)

Despite my intuition screaming at me to cancel, put my foot down and not accept sub par treatment for our first meeting because it will set the tone for every single time after, I tried to remain flexible and still decided to meet him.

Me: There's a Starbucks on (insert city ten minutes from you so you get the idea of what I mean) ...meet me there (At this point,  if I was limited to an hour I would be damned if I was driving far to see him. Fuck that!)

Him: I live 45 minutes from (city closer to you since I have already inconvenienced you)

Me: Okay..so. basically you want me to come that way for an hour or less in the dark knowing IDK where I am headed?

Me: How about we drive towards a middle point. IDK what it where that is though. 

Me: I wasn't kidding when I said I had not been out exploring

Mind you ten and fifteen minutes go by and he's not replying so I called.

Me: I just called you ...no answer

Him: Hey hun my phone didnt ring

(I called back...twice...no answer...)

Me: I just called you AGAIN

(I call two more times in yet another 15 minute interval. By now this phone goes straignt to voicemail.)

Me: Call me then

Me: That doesn't make sense to keep making me call you back to not get an answer

(I don't know what kind of game was going on at this point but he's not calling back and taking 10 and 15 minutes to reply to texts. By now it's 11:15!)

Him: Babe r you near (a city about 15 minutes from me)

(this text came in so randomly and at almost 11:30!)

Me: Close enough but you need to call me...

He did not call. He did not text. Not that night again. And not the next day or night either. Today, Monday, rolls around and I sent HIM a message. It was the regular good morning text and asking how he was and when. He started texting small talk I said this:

Look, I am not really one for small talk so I'll just cut right to it. IDK what happened Saturday but if you're not interested it's cool, Music Man, just tell me that so I won't waste time trying to get to know you.

Very straight up and to the point

He didn't reply but used the excuse he was driving and would hit me back.

So hours later, I called him, because it's normal for us to talk during the day with us both being home. Hell, we even started Skyping every day! I could not get him on the phone...again...

Apparently, that warm fuzzy feeling I was having was far from mutual and I didn't see it. 

It's not like I was writing his last name behind mine, planning weddings, or naming our kids. I liked him and liking someone feels great! An even greater feeling is when they actually like you too. Apparently, someone or something was causing me to be sent to voicemail, ignored and blown off. Personally, I don't care who or what. My only concern is that he doesn't like me. Everything and everyone else in the equation is irrelevant.  

When a man is into you,  you will never have to question it. It will be blatantly obvious. Nothing, and I do mean NOTHING, will stop him from seeing you or communicating with you. It's men in prison for life that risk being in solitary confinement for extended periods of times, to call a woman from an illegal cell. You can't tell me a man in the free world can't make time. I'd have to be some type of fool to believe that.

There is always a window of opportunity in which you hope that guy will come to his senses and realize he shouldn't have dropped you because you are a catch. However, that only happens in the movies. I guess that's why I hate romance movies. I am never the girl that gets the guy. 

You win some, you lose some. Sometimes, he just not that into you.

I'mma 3-0-5 Peach!

I'm a 3-0-5 Peach now!: http://youtu.be/uEnAEQnESVg